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Thinking of whether you should have a second child? Here's an interesting experience.
Thinking of whether you should have a second child? Here’s an interesting experience.
After I had my my first son, I felt life couldn’t be any better. He was an absolute joy to be with and continued to bring the same amount of sunshine and warmth to our lives, day after day. But just as he turned three, everybody’s scrutiny and nudges were first subtle then strong…”Aren’t u getting him a sister”?
Since he was a ‘boy’ the option of a second boy was safely ticked off by the aunties! I’d just laugh it off or smile away. We too like many couples were of the notion that ‘one baby’ was enough and that our family was complete. Soon he turned 5 and just about then he had a new cousin. It got him curious or maybe his ‘sibling’ radar went off …he would often come home and ask when he would get a little brother. At first, it was seldom and then frequent. My maternal instincts (which I had reluctantly ignored) re-surfaced and I started coaxing my husband. After much contemplation, discussion and finally blackmail, we started trying to have a baby.
To our disappointment it was not as easy as we had assumed. It never occurred to us that all this time, while we were working against nature and being ‘careful’, now it was our turn to wait ..and wait patiently. Several months ticked by…and we started getting restless. Why was it taking so long? What if it’s too late? Would we be answerable to our son for denying him a sibling?
Such and many more questions rolled over and over in my mind. Until finally, almost a year later we got the good news. Another 9 months and we were blessed with our second. My older son named him as decided. Everything just doubled…the joy, the sunshine, the love…the anxiety, the nervousness, the stretch marks, my weight, the fights and the bills. Between their huge age gap of more than six years, all the confusion and chaos, between all this and much more , I realise that the bounty remains unparalleled. Nothing or nobody can match the surge of love that swells up when I hear them squeal and laugh as they roll one on top of the other or the peace when I stroke the two heads sleeping on one pillow together.
The pride I feel every time he teaches something new to his brother. The satisfaction that hopefully they will have each other’s back long after we are gone. When I watch the little one polishing his brother’s school shoes, sharing his plate or eating left over tiffin…I know he’s on the right track! As I keep digging out old clothes and toys periodically for the younger one and he guards them like his own, I also dig out my safely tucked away ‘motherly’ instincts that feel just like day one, 9 years ago when I became a new mom. It’s priceless.
To all the couples who are in between the ‘do or not to’ for the second ..(I wish someone had told me this sooner) after 3 years I can safely say…go for it! it’s like falling in love with yourself all over again!
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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