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Many still do not understand what postpartum depression is, and seem to think that it happens when women are in bad marriages or don't want to have a child. This is certainly not true!
Many still do not understand what postpartum depression is, and seem to think that it happens when women are in bad marriages or don’t want to have a child. This is certainly not true!
Recently, I was interviewed for an article in the Indian Express (here) in regards to my struggle with Postpartum Depression (PPD). But I have to write this post to supplement it, for I do have a bit of contention with the opinion shared by the expert quoted in the piece; the expert’s opinion seems to read as if a marital discord, or not wanting a child (consciously or unconsciously) are common prerequisites for developing postpartum depression.
I am not a medical professional but I have done a lot of research on PPD. I have talked to lots of doctors and therapists in the US, am privy to the stories of women who have written to me following my PPD article in the Huff Post, as well as have my personal experience to speak for.
It doesn’t have to be that things like these need to exist for PPD to set in and often, singling out such things, even if they are a part of the equation, is dangerous. For it can cause women to think: no, this can’t be me – I wanted my child and I love my spouse. In addition, it also starts the undertone of guilt – self and/or society induced – and shifts the dialogue from mental health, neural science and biochemistry to a woman’s role and motherhood. Wanting to have a child, etc…
Many women I have talked to, stuck in the deep rut of PPD, have been baffled by the fact of why them, for they desperately wanted nothing more than to be a mother. So while I don’t see anything wrong with not wanting to be a mother (and in my opinion, that’s a much harder, and a much less selfish choice than choosing to be a parent when you are not ready to be 100% committed to the child) and I am in full support of a dialogue and debate on that, it should not be had in the context of PPD. That would be dangerous and a disservice to the women suffering this form of depression.
But anyways, what is important is to get the dialogue started and this article does that. PPD and any mental health diagnosis for that matter can happen to anyone (that is why Deepika Padukone coming forward with her story is so powerful and helpful). It doesn’t have to be that something obvious went wrong or is wrong somewhere. So there is nothing to be ashamed of, no point in self-analyzing the why’s, and no reason in hell to not seek help. For ourselves, or for anyone around us who we think needs it.
Image via Unsplash
Tanushree Ghosh (Ph. D., Chemistry, Cornell, NY), is Director at Intel Corp., a social activist, and an author. She is a contributor (past and present) to several popular e-zines incl. The Huffington Post US ( read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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