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A dilemma that the writer is in, and would like you to answer – having been introduced to feminism recently, she is in two minds about what she should do.
My life is full of dilemma. I read a lot of feminist articles, and stories of women who are raising their voice against domestic and emotional abuse and have emerged have strong, independent women.
Has reading such articles and following these women as a role model, made me aggressive? Do I argue with my hubby on illogical things when I should have patience and keep quiet?
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I have been observing the women around me for 5 years. Some are married, have kids and are bold; in other terms, they are earning members of their family. Some women have put motherhood on hold for the sake of career and financial stability.
Are they selfish? No, I do not think so. They are just practical women who understand their inner capabilities and have the strength to voice their needs.
Now coming to the other kind of women. There are women who are the ideal daughters-in-law in many ways. They have given birth to one/two children just after marriage. They are financially dependent, have no social life, do not have the ability to manage the household and are not the earning member.
In short, their whole day is spent running after children, taking care of their education, children’s social and academic needs, and most importantly, looking after needs of the household.
I really wonder if women of above category get some ‘ME time’ when they can de-stress, spend time free of all responsibilities and duties, and really think only about themselves. Even if they go on a holiday, the responsibilities of children and husband are always present. Till the time they get old.
Do these women also want to raise voice against injustice happening to them? Or have they considered this routine as “Ek ladki ki zindagi uske parivar ke liye hoti hai” (A girl’s/woman’s life is supposed to be for her family)?
Women of this kind are glorified as ideal home caretakers, but they may be battling their own demons. Mental pressure, family pressure, the pressure to be able to do multi-tasking perfectly can take a toll on any single person. And, in spite of all of these compromises, a person who does not have an outlet of expressing herself freely will wither and become submissive. Or she will become over aggressive and start protesting on every single injustice she faces daily.
Here comes my dilemma. Women should be able to stand for what they feel is right. But are they too feminist? Other women around them are fine. Or maybe other women have faced and battled their own demons and are standing like a fighter.
Internet and mommy blogs have given women a platform to read what is right and wrong. Understand and observe in their daily life and around them. Try to help other women. And if they cannot, at least voice their thoughts on a platform where you will be heard.
I have come across many women, many of them are ‘ideal’ women who have managed whole households single-handedly. Many of my acquaintances are also women who are bold and have their priorities and goals set. But they face mental abuse from husband/in-laws as a cost.
Am I selfish if I want to think about my future, instead of my complete family? Am I selfish if I want some ME time where I am free of all family members, even children? Will I feel happy to rejuvenate and relax, destress myself first, and think about family later?
Mental Health is very important, and women suffer from depression silently. I think it is not selfish if you have good mental health by taking some ME time and doing what you feel is right for you.
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I am social media marketing expert, has done Women Entrepreneurship from IIT Delhi, WEE. I
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