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This is an ode to the two feminist men in my life. One who shaped my thinking which probably led me to fall for the other one; my own father and my daughter's.
This is an ode to the two feminist men in my life. One who shaped my thinking which probably led me to fall for the other one; my own father and my daughter’s.
Four decades ago, around the time I was born, people wishing for a son was the norm. But my father wanted daughters and his wish was granted. His reason was that girls are more peaceful and make better children. (It’s debatable if he still believes in that theory of his, after going through the trauma of my upbringing!)
Right from the time my conscious memory begins, there is not a single instance where he tried to stop us just because of our gender. So while growing up, for both my sister and me the concept of gender equality or inequality never existed. Our upbringing can be termed as gender neutral (if I may use the term). Of course our larger family and the rest of the world wasn’t so broad minded so it used to confuse us initially which led to anger, gave way to disgust and finally we settled at indifference.
We’ve come a long way now, fighting our way through inequalities and biases and have known always that our father has our back. The profound impact of my father’s feminist ways is evident in the person I chose to marry.
I am married to a feminist stronger than I am. He believes and I quote him, “I always believed that both genders were equal until biology took over and I realised that the feminine gender is a little more than equal. I cannot switch biological roles with you but for the rest of the stuff we are in it together”.
From lullabies to diaper changes to weaning to cleaning up to night vigils during illness, he has kept his word. The chores were boring, even unpleasant at times but he has kept his word.
The far-reaching effects of this dynamic in our house can be seen in how our little daughter’s personality is shaping up. For her there’s no such thing as ‘Mumma’s job’ or Baba’s job’. And that is what she expects from everyone around her.
As I wish a Happy Father’s day to my father and my daughter’s father, I also hope that may the tribe of such feminist men grow and prosper.
Image via Pixabay
I am a doctor with an MD in Clinical Microbiology, working at KEM Hospital, Mumbai. I am a voracious reader, writer and blogger and believe that words can spin magic. I value truth and honesty read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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