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Marriage should not be considered the only destination of a girl's life. There is so much more she can be, if only she can follow her dreams.
Marriage should not be considered the only destination of a girl’s life. There is so much more she can be, if only she can follow her dreams.
Today’s girls feel that there are things other than marriage that also matter a lot in this world. They believe in making their own identity and focusing on their career. A girl like this may say, “It’s my wish when to marry!”
The moment a girl crosses 25 years of age, the whole world tends to worry about her marriage. Parents may believe in giving her the freedom of fulfilling her dreams, but the neighbours’ tension starts increasing day by day. Why is the girl not marrying?
Some people even ask without any hesitation, “When are you getting married?” Parents, on being asked, usually give explanations like, “she wants to study further”, or “she wants to focus on her career right now”.
There is a saying: “Begaani shaadi mein Abdullah deewana!” (An unwanted guest in someone else’s wedding.)
It suits perfectly here. If a girl is not getting married, it makes people worried. Why is society worried about her marriage? Why does society not respect the choice of these girls? She will find a right person for herself, and IF she does, she will get married, but NO! These people have no other business than meddling in others’ personal affairs.
If you take any decision for yourself, then you need to stand strong beside it. People are under the mistaken impression that you are unhappy if you are single, and give suggestions without being asked.
Just make sure that your parents support your decision. It is usually in our absence that people come to our parents and try to express their ‘concern’ regarding this matter. Relatives don’t interfere when they know that you are doing well, or if you have support from home, because then they know that you aren’t going to listen.
Parents these days are usually supportive of their daughters. They don’t like to force their decisions on their daughters. They expect their daughter to be self dependent, bold, and confident enough to handle any situation if it occurs in their life by being independent.
Marriage is not the final destination in life of a daughter. Time is changing, and so is the thinking of parents. It’s no longer ‘compulsory’ to get married. If a daughter is self dependent and confident, then she doesn’t need to be bound by any such rules. She can live her life being independent.
An excessive influence of society always hurts us in one way or the other. In some areas or places where parents are influenced by society, the thinking of parents can get affected. They begin to pressurize the daughter to marry, especially in cases where there is a sibling. They feel that they need to execute their ‘duty’ of getting her married, before they retire from active work.
Sometimes this pressure is so huge that they may ‘marry off’ the daughter even if the groom might not really be ‘suitable’, in order to be free of their so called burden or liabilities.
They are afraid that the moment a daughter crosses 25 years of age, she should get married soon, as what society will say? Won’t they be asked, “Does your daughter have some problem? Why is she not married yet?”
How will she be safe in such an environment where daily, crimes are happening around?
To what extent we as parents will keep our daughter in our home?
Daughters are sometimes told that they are ‘paraya dhan‘. That they need to leave their home and have to go another place, make that home her new family, live with new relations, and treat that place as her home from the moment she gets married.
This norm is totally wrong and meaningless. Daughters are also human being like others, they also have feelings, emotions, dreams and aspirations in their life. When everyone has the freedom of living their life as they want, why aren’t daughters? Time is changing, so the perspective should also be changed. Parents should give freedom to their daughters to live their life their own way by supporting them in every decision of their life, regardless of societal norms and the fear of what people will say.
Here are some daughters who have stood on their own, making their parents proud. It really does not matter whether they are married or not!
Lata ji is a living legend in the field of music. Being the eldest of five siblings she fulfilled all the responsibilities towards her parents and her siblings. She chose a singing career at a very early age with the purpose of supporting her family financially.
Ekta kapoor is the owner of Balaji Telefilms. She started her career at an age of 17 years. She borrowed Rs 10,000 from her father with the assurance that she would pay him back. She had failures on the way, but never gave up. Because of her consistent efforts she is today what she is.
Sushmita Sen is a model, a Diva, a Miss Universe, and a role model for all girls and women. She proved with her work and life that it’s our determination that leads us to a place which we deserve in life. She became Miss universe. She adopted two girls, and became the best single parent for her daughters. She is a live example of what at the life of a woman should be, regardless of any patriarchal norms prevalent in the society.
Marriage is not the final destination in the life of a girl, neither does it guarantee a successful life. What makes her life successful are her dreams, her aspirations, her spirit of living her life in her own way by being determined, self dependent, and strong.
Published here earlier.
Header image is a still from the movie Vivah
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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