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A bully who hurts others is reeling under some pain themselves. Which is how trolls happen. How can someone help themselves if they find themselves in pain?
Pain kills pain. What does that statement exactly mean? That more severe pain can overcome distress caused by a smaller one, or does that mean causing pain to others can reduce your pain? At least few believe the latter option to be true.
Human minds have this unique talent of interpreting facts to ones convenience and misconstrued thoughts completely. That’s why we see people using different methods to escape their worries, like trying to bail out their hurt and irritation by giving pain to others.
Sadness can sometimes turn into a drug… one then tends to depend on and make it an excuse for the actions one commits, as justification for the person one has become.
If you have had a bad day, your basic tendency is to snap at the first person who gives you the slightest opportunity. You have a tendency to rub this irritation of yours on to the first soft target you meet. You just want to make sure that the other person also gets a share of what you are going through.
This soft target can be your subordinate or the guy who honks at you in traffic. At home it can be either your parents or spouse, or child, which is the worse part. In our turmoil we often tend to clink on to the nearest trees and end up hurting our closest or dearest people the most.
The justification you most often give for your action is your suffering.
“You don’t know what I am going through” is your explanation to others and most ironically to your own conscience.
Yes you are going through a lot, but is that a justification for ending up causing hurt to others through your actions? We realise that we need to see beyond ourself, but are so stuck with ourselves and our issues that we conveniently overlook that.
Most of us have those times when we feel nothing is working right. It feels like one has lost the last iota of hope and faith which makes things even worse, because then you are not left with even the drive to try. One tends to relapse into that self drenching sorrow and we just need a source to vent.
These days one of the easiest option to vent is social media. A lot of people unleash their frustrations by using celebs as punching bags. People continuously take the trouble of stalking them and reaching their walls just to inform them how much they hate them or how ugly he or she looks. For the person who vents it might be an instant relief, but for a person subjected to such multiple hate messages it could affect them emotionally. Many celebrities like Karan Johar have been vocal about how traumatising it has been to be continuously subjected to hate or troll showers.
There is a major section who finds relief from their worries by watching shows of, or following these the actors on social media. Some even take the liberty of fantasising themselves with the actors or ship their favourite onscreen couple, which basically is a harmless way of keeping oneself occupied.
The problem is when they start taking it way too seriously and are just not ready to give up the delusion, and end up trolling anyone who says or does anything to upset their fantasy. This leads to them posting hate comments on these celebs’ real life friends and partners. Some even go to the extent of cussing people if someone has a point of view different from their idols. They are trying to use their hate as a synonym of love. That is never possible; love can never be expressed through hating others. It’s actually your frustration you are trying to sugar coat in the name of love.
When you are miffed with world and your own destiny, the only place you can find empathy are your emotions. Then your pain can turn to an addiction; not that you want it, but it unknowingly becomes a solace… that you kind of help each other to co-exist.
The pain of sadness is deceptive, it evokes self pity or a tendency to victimise yourself. Our pain leads us to many actions which our mind may not approve of. This justification of pain then turns out to be the defence mechanism of our actions, an excuse or armour for the person one is turning into. An explanation to oneself and the world for all the hard times one gives to people, which otherwise we subconsciously know is not the right thing to do. It’s like an attempt to put blame on someone else for your doings.
“Your pain is understandable but that doesn’t mean your behaviour is acceptable.” — Steve Maraboli.
There may not be always a cure for your sorrows, but find a way to deal with it. Talk to people, take professional help. If you are not keen on talking with someone else about it, you could try helping yourself:
Sometimes this might help you to recover, but if the issue is grave, don’t hesitate to deal it with proper consultation. Depression and mental health are very serious issues which need the highest priority. They need proper medical attention and care.
When you hurt others the fact is that deep down inside you are aware of your actions. They can actually harm yourself more and you eventually despise yourself even more. Rather try to churn out something positive with your inner strength and goodness. You’ll actually feel better about yourself and life itself.
Published here earlier.
Image source: pxhere
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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