Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Wearing Sindoor is so common in our country that it seems to be more important than a marriage certificate. Is it really an unforced choice?
Growing up, I observed it and understood it as something that “happens” – there is no ‘if’ and ‘but’ for it. However, after reaching my 20s, I started questioning its worth and why it is important.
I’m 25 years old now and after having a good theoretical and practical experience, long conversations with men and women, I have understood why many women feel the need to wear sindoor and mangalsutra.
1) It is considered a ‘Patni-dharma’ that women MUST fulfill, no ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’. It is traditional/religious/keeps husband alive or whatever reason that can convince a woman to keep it is given. 2) Certainly, it was a patriarchal structure but now women who accept point no 1 make it mandatory for other women to follow this ‘patni-dharma’. 3) Psychological self validation contributes immensely as women seek validation from others whose definition of a married beautiful lady is different from an unmarried one depending on if they wear sindoor, mangalsutra, make-up and other ornaments. 4) Women often lack respect from their partners and hence, seeking respect from society has a major role to play in their lives. Now, society openely judges women on the basis of sindoor and mangalsutra once they’re married, and leaves no space for women to ‘survive’ unjudged. 5) They have no self awareness and are not vociferous about what they want and thus this patriarchal set up of putting symbols on them so that they cannot “seduce other men in the market” is consumed by them unquestionably. 6) These symbols get stamped on us by the use of scientific arguments and evidence giving no voice to women whether they really believe in those scientific arguments and evidence, if any. 7) Once they start questioning these symbols, a load of allegations, accusations, complaints and hatred falls on them and here they have to fight against society, in-laws and most importantly their husbands. 8) Hence, they end up accepting sindoor and mangalsutra and put it “willingly” and proudly assert it as their “wish”, leaving no corner for continuous arguments, psychological or physical violence.
My idea of these symbols has been narrowed down to a set pattern or structure where women have internalized violence without being aware of it and propagate it on the name of “choice”. As an evidence, I would like to see how divorce rates go up as soon as “good bahus” start questioning “sindoor” and “mangalsutra” just for the sake of argument – since we are told that it’s their “wish”, so just such a trial would be enough to confront reality!
Top image is a scene from the movie Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam
First published here.
Would you like to talk? Get to me on [email protected] read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Being a writer, Nivedita Louis recognises the struggles of a first-time woman writer and helps many articulate their voice with development, content edits as a publisher.
“I usually write during night”, says author Nivedita Louis during our conversation. Chuckling she continues,” It’s easier then to focus solely on writing. Nivedita Louis is a writer, with varied interests and one of the founders of Her Stories, a feminist publishing house, based in Chennai.
In a candid conversation she shared her journey from small-town Tamil Nadu to becoming a history buff, an award-winning author and now a publisher.
Nivedita was born and raised in a small town in Tamil Nadu. It was for schooling that she first arrived in Chennai. Then known as Madras, she recalls being awed by the city. Her love-story with the city, its people and thus began which continues till date. She credits her perseverance and passion to make a difference to her days as a vocational student among the elite sections of Madras.
Please enter your email address