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Women are expected to sublimate their opinions and needs in a patriarchal society like ours, but we need to speak up more for ourselves, indulge more in I, Me, Myself!
Women are expected to sublimate their opinions and needs in a patriarchal society like ours, but we need to speak up more for ourselves, indulge more in I, Me, and Myself!
Sometimes it’s not about dealing with the world around. Sometimes it’s also not a matter of how someone would probably think or react – we are much more clear about the social stigmas now, and we already give no damn about it.
Sometimes it’s totally about us. About the layers of conditioning we have allowed subconsciously to surround us. Sometimes it’s about removing those layers. Peeling them off to understand ourselves better and better.
I am 34 and god knows when it became my default system to succumb to the choices of others. I make just no choice for myself on a daily basis. Be it about food in some restaurant, or some place to visit, or any other day to day life choices. I give the chance to everyone but myself. I have become the background. I am okay being in the wings. I am okay being not onstage. Kids must learn to make a choice, and eventually own their decisions and mistakes. Others should have their chances too.
But while I was taking care of everyone else’s psychological well being and personality development in the house, I forgot myself somewhere. We all do that right?! Till the time one day we realize where we are? Or when you are suddenly asked for your choice and you think of it – as if you have forgotten what you actually liked, or making a choice becomes the most difficult thing for you to do, or when you just want to make a choice but no one bothers to ask you for yours.
In this constant process of neglecting yourself, overlooking your own needs, ignoring your own desires, you lose some of your own self. You fail your own self. We do it all the time, and we have seen every woman doing the same, and glorified for this. We do it because this is how we become acceptable in society.
Society doesn’t appreciate women who like themselves. Society loves the women who forget themselves for the lives around them, and their families. I can sense in my own life that I am accepted by those around till the time I don’t want to be me. The moment I become a little concerned about how I think and what I think, the climate around me changes drastically, temperatures go up and down, strong winds and storms become probable. And I immediately give up as when I hear raised voices & see raised eyebrows.
But that’s exactly when I rethink and come back to I, me and myself…. and the story begins. I am gonna try harder next time to put my view across more firmly. I will try harder and harder and harder till I get through. My choice is important and so am I.
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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