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Every parent needs to introspect - what behaviour do I model for my child? Be sure that the child is watching, and internalising what you do.
Every parent needs to introspect – what behaviour do I model for my child? Be sure that the child is watching, and internalising what you do.
I recently read a book, Against All Odds, (my review here) which was about a football fanatic, named Kartik. Kartik has a deformed left arm. The ugly deformity attracts a lot of upsetting attention ranging from hostility to pity. Years of dealing with such attention has taught Kartik not to react impulsively, but to take his time and respond thoughtfully.
Kartik typically does not try to extract revenge or defeat someone. He tries to devise a strategy that has a stable optimal long term outcome to his advantage. It may not be as emotionally satisfying, as a chest thumping victory in the short term, but offers a better chance at long term happiness.
Salvor Hardin, in the Foundation Series by Asimov, is famous for the epigram, violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Violence comes in many forms, including trolls on the internet. It is important to realize, that the root of most violent outbursts, lies in insecurity and frustration. Expression of violence usually does not come from strength, as it is often mistaken, but from weakness. Realizing this, can help a victim of violence, deal with it, more effectively.
Whenever I am trolled on social media, my mind races to come up with scathing come backs. I want to hurt the person who hurt me, worse. If I react in such a manner, matters quickly escalate. I spend the better part of my day trying to put the troll down, and the troll does the same to me. I feel bitter and angry all day, can’t focus on my work and can’t feel happy spending time with family. All I can think about, is how to defeat some stranger (or strangers as these things often snowball out of control) in a cruelty contest. There lies the problem.
Suddenly my life is all about defeating someone, instead of about winning. Because, if it were about winning, I would have ignored the troll, moved on with my day and spent it constructively, either getting work done, or bonding with family, or indulging in a hobby. I deprive myself of all these possibilities, by indulging in a mudslinging match. So I may or may not have defeated someone, but I certainly did not win anything.
Why then are we so eager to defeat trolls and win arguments and have the last word? It is an instinct, that we need to fight. It does not come naturally, but practice helps. It also helps to introspect on every such confrontation, identify our weaknesses, and figure out a way to combat them, so as to not get sucked in to similar confrontations again. We also need to repeatedly remind ourselves, that not engaging in mudslinging matches is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Our kids learn by watching us. If we focus on getting optimal results, rather than humiliating or defeating a rival, then that is what our kids will learn too. This will make their lives far richer and happier, and isn’t this what we want as parents?
Published here earlier.
Image source: publicdomainpictures.net
Kanika G, a physicist by training and a mother of 2 girls, started writing to entertain her older daughter with stories, thus opening the flood gates on a suppressed passion. Today she has written over read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
The local artisans excel in crafting beautiful fabrics, each piece telling a story of skill and tradition passed down through generations.
Textiles and handlooms of India embody the essence of the country’s rich cultural heritage and artistic diversity. Renowned worldwide for their quality, these textiles showcase intricate designs and vibrant colors, woven into fabric using traditional techniques passed down through generations. Each region offers its unique weave, from the fine silks of Varanasi to the block prints of Rajasthan and the exquisite handloom cottons of Bengal.
These textiles are not just pieces of cloth but art forms that tell stories of the land, its people, and their beliefs. The craftsmanship speaks of India’s dedication to preserving its ancestral arts, making Indian handlooms a testament to the country’s unparalleled legacy in textile artistry.
Raisen, a hidden gem in the state of Madhya Pradesh, is no different. Being a unique blend of historical charm and cultural richness, Raisen is well known for its tales of bygone eras. But it is also a cradle of traditional textiles and art.
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