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Women often have a heavy double burden to bear. The support of men and society at large should come naturally – it is not something we need to beg for.
Today I visited the Passport Seva Kendra to complete the formalities for getting my son’s passport. My hubby was busy on an official tour and hence I had to take my 2 year old son all alone.
The passport authorities were very cordial and their processes inculcated special priority for babies and senior citizens. Finally, after finishing off the formalities, I had to collect an acknowledgement receipt for which I found a long queue. Forbearingly, I stood where the queue ended but suddenly my boy became cranky and nothing helped. I distracted him to everything tiny and big in the room, I made funny faces and people were gazing at me; some staring with a big, bold question mark on their face, some annoyed and some too tired to even bother. Even chocolates and mobiles didn’t help, which are my last resort.
Finally when I couldn’t tolerate my toddler’s discomfort anymore, I went to the counter, bypassing the queue and politely requested the person next in line if I could submit my file as my son is having a tough time.
I was just taken aback when he exclaimed –“ Bache sambhalte nai hai toh paida kyu kiye? Waise toh ladkon se kandhe se kandha milana hai but time anne par bechara sa face banakar help ke liye request karne lagte ho. Yahan sabko jaldi hai. “ (Why have kids if you can’t handle them? You want equality with men but then act helpless and ask for help when it gets tough. Everyone here is in a hurry!)
My temper just shot up on hearing this stone-hearted, inconsiderate person. I just said that we give birth to babies because men like you don’t have the ability to. Even if god gifted you with it, you would never chosse to carry so much pain.
Girls are not weak to cry, plead or beg to you for your mercy. Neither are we incompetent at carrying out a task. We just ask for simple #support which is obvious and should come naturally but sadly, we are not blessed enough to get it without asking for it explicitly. I am talking about that support which your mother and wife extend to you when you move out for office. When they prepare your clothes for the day, lay the breakfast on table, pack your lunch and allow you to enjoy your rest on the sofa when you come back home, and all of this without you even asking for it. You are just granted everything on a platter.
You are never required to take care of any household chore or worry about the ‘pity issues’ because you have a lady supporting you. You don’t have to cry out about your health issues and pains because you always have a lady who understands your pain even before it starts to show on your face. And on top of that even the society supports you because you are a man and you are never judged or looked down upon. You never have to multitask. When you are at work, you just think of work and when you are at home, you just think of nothing and take rest.
Unlike us, whose brain never sleeps. When we are work, we keep planning for home simultaneously and when we are home, the worries of coping up with colleagues like you keep us occupied. And the SAHMs are trapped in the vicious circle of household chores and responsibilities. We are always judged and commented on. We have to prove our worth at each and every step and yet, even after proving, we have to ask for support every now and then because most of the times we are denied even the basic support we expect from family and society at large.
The same support which should be extended to a girl who wishes to follow a different path and fulfill her dreams. The same support which should be extended to a competent, workaholic pregnant lady who is denied promotion just because everyone is doubtful of her capability after the upcoming responsibility. The same support which should be extended to a wife who makes everything perfect for her family, irrespective of the fact that she is sick or not.
Yes, this support should have come naturally and it is my right, for which I will neither beg nor plead but I will just demand.
Disclaimer: This post is not generalised for all men. There are many wonderful men around who respect women and their plight and support them in every possible manner and I have happily married one of them. This post is not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings.
First published here.
Top image via Unsplash