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The trauma of divorce can shatter your world and your sense of self. How do you cope with this, and how do you start living again?
Divorce is a painful and upsetting experience and a terrible ordeal. We all take our vows of ‘till death do us apart’ and then try our best to fulfill it. But, at times circumstances, people and situations become highly adverse and it is advisable to part ways and move in different directions.
I have seen wives put up with domestic violence, intrusive in- laws, dowry demands, cheating spouses to avoid the ‘divorcee’ tag. This of course leads to further trauma and in some cases mental breakdown. Even if the separation is by mutual consent and due to compatibility issues, there are times when it still becomes ugly towards the end.
What’s more, life is difficult for a single woman. Right from trying to get a house to dealing with chauvinistic mechanics and carpenters, she is eyed with suspicion. However, one needs to square their shoulders and get past these hurdles to keep moving towards building a new life.
I have been surrounded by some wise and talented women who have not only dealt with this painful episode in a brave manner but also come out boring their scars with pride. Listening to them, I realized that there are a multitude of ways which help one get over the hurt and towards a brighter future.
No other technique works better than this one to help you balance and find your centre once again. Meditation is not easy and post trauma it is even more difficult to master. But, with perseverance you will not only be able to get the hang of it but will also draw from its many benefits.
I have also thought that travelling alone is the best way to do some should searching. At such times, you really need to spend some time with yourself, where you don’t need to explain your actions and decisions to anyone. You just need to be heal and relax.
I remember how once a friend of mine had said that for the longest time she did only what her husband wanted to do – watch movies, go for cricket matches, party, so much so that she forgot what she liked to do. It was only when she separated that she rediscovered her love for books and theatre which had gotten buried under someone else’s expectations.
Post a break- up sometimes the trickiest part is to manage common friends. Don’t make them choose sides. If they are true friends, they will be empathetic to your situation and ensure that you and your ex do not end up in the same room. If they are just social buddies who like to have even numbers at their get – together then you are much better off without them. Make new friends, at work or your hobby classes. After all, there is no lack of interesting people in the world.
Do not let the judgmental people around you get you down. Your decisions are your business only and you don’t need to be defensive or apologetic about the same.
Do not give in to the family pressure to ‘find someone else’ and get married again, if you don’t want to. Eventually you may find someone who makes you happy. But, marry only if you want to and if you feel it’s the step in the right direction.
There are no fool proof methods to get over a failed relationship. What one needs to remember is that marriage is a two way commitment. For whatever reason, if it did not work, it is not your fault alone. Yes, the break- up will be difficult, the key is to pick yourself and keep walking, because your new journey has just started.
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