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How would your crazy day coping with a toddler's tantrum look like from the point of view of your toddler? What if your toddler could tell you how she feels?
How would your crazy day coping with a toddler’s tantrum look like from the point of view of your toddler? What if your toddler could tell you how she feels?
Dear Mom,
It seems like I gave you a very hard time today like I do on most days perhaps, as I can sense by your exhausted and flustered state. I am sorry but I did not mean to do so. I know there are times when you are at your wits’ end because you are unable to figure out the reason for my tantrum or outburst. But trust me Mom, that during such times, even I have no clue about the cause of my tears or feeling of distress. I am still learning about a lot of things. I have just begun to acknowledge my feelings. I have just started understanding the ways of the world. There is still so much that I cannot comprehend.
I know that you get tired of my howling at times. “Why do you have to cry or scream for everything!” you say. I am sorry mom but I am slowly learning to express myself and don’t know how to handle my emotions yet. I can communicate but I have a long way to go before I can talk to you clearly about what is going on in my mind.
When you refuse to let me do stuff which I am keen to do, I feel unhappy. I want to explore everything in this world which I have only recently begun to perceive with my own senses. But, according to you I cannot do certain things and I wonder why. You explain to me about danger on some occasions but I don’t really recognize the safety risks you speak about and even if I do, I am not yet capable of retaining it all in my memory.
I have become conscious of my independence and hence, I enjoy trying to attempt a whole lot of tasks by myself. This annoys you occasionally because not everything can be done by me at this age as per you. But how would I know mom? It is confusing for me when at one point you appreciate me for being able to perform certain tasks on my own and then the very next minute you are livid with me for insisting on accomplishing some other activity.
I know on certain days I am too clingy and though you are immensely patient with me, you blow a fuse sometimes. I cling to you because you are the one I feel most secure with. I cling to you because you are the one who understands me best and cares for me the most in the world. There are so many things going on around me which overwhelm me every now and then and I end up bawling. It is not to trouble you but to let you know that I need to be freed from my own troubles and only you can do that. Sometimes I am sleepy, sometimes I am hungry, sometimes I am uncomfortable due to a change in my environment, sometimes there are teething troubles and all this bogs me down. Maybe my meltdowns seem unreasonable to you but all of this means a big deal to me.
Once in a while, you tell me that you are too worn-out or are too busy to play with me and I sulk, and this irks you. I can hear you mumbling that you need a break. But, I can’t help it because I love playing with you and crave for your attention. I want to make the most of these merry moments with you. I have many friends now but you are my best friend. At times, you declare me to be “too naughty” or “too stubborn”. But I am just being myself and am behaving in the manner that comes naturally to me now.
I am sorry Mom but I promise this phase shall pass soon. Your difficult days are my difficult days too. I am sure with your love and guidance, I will gradually learn everything and it wont be long before I come into my own. I feel elated with your expressions while we cuddle or when I smother you with kisses. I always look forward to your priceless reaction when I crack something new. I cherish our hilarious and crazy moments of fun. I know that you love me to the moon and back, and so do I Mom!
Love,
Your adorable lifeline (in your words)
Author’s note: This letter was penned by me on the spur of the moment on an extremely tough day of parenting. The toddler meltdowns of late have been tremendous at times. It just seemed like I was not doing it right. And then I realized I needed to handle this differently. I started composing this letter which made me feel more confident and peaceful. It is not that I was not aware of all this before about toddler-hood. But, being in the shoes of my toddler and looking at the world from her perspective made me handle the tantrums more sensibly from then on and with a calm mind. And the moment I feel I am losing it, I open this letter as a reminder of what it is like to be a toddler.
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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