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Patriarchy makes it difficult for women to take care of parents. This rule can have devastating consequences and this author realized.
“Why can’t you live with us, Grandma?” I asked.
“Parents don’t live with their daughters. It is against the rules of the society”, she said.
This conversation happened again and again but I was never convinced or satisfied by my Grandma’s answers. After my grandfather’s death, my grandmother divided her time between her elder son and younger son. She was mistreated by her daughter-in-laws and verbally abused by her sons and yet, she had to live with them. My mother, who loved and respected by grandma, was not given the opportunity to take care of her because society doesn’t ‘allow’ women to stay with their daughters.
So, we would listen to my grandmother’s accounts of her daughter-in-law’s taunts and her sons’ yelling and feel angry. We wanted to intervene but my grandmother stopped us from taking any step because intervening would make things worse for her. Even if she managed to somehow stay with us, she didn’t have the ability to ignore society’s taunts.
If she stayed for more than a month at our place, the aunties in my building would say things like, “Your paternal grandmother stays only for one week at your place, right?” or “My mother never stays with her daughters“. So, my grandmother never dared to disobey the society.
Few months back, my grandmother got an asthma attack and was unable to breathe properly for 3 days. Instead of taking her to the doctor, my aunt and uncle asked for some medicines from a doctor (who prescribed medicines without examining the patient) and neglected the warning signs. Their negligence lead to my grandmother’s death.
The post-death rituals had to be performed by my uncles. My mother, whose love for my grandmother is perhaps more than my uncles, was not allowed to perform the rituals.
I blame patriarchy for my grandmother’s death because my mother’s response to the attack would have been different than my uncle’s. I blame patriarchy for my grandmother’s unhappiness because she would have been happier had she lived with her daughter. I blame patriarchy for the behavior of my aunts because it turns women against women. I blame patriarchy for my uncle’s insensitivity because in a patriarchal culture, people who are not ‘useful’ (like babies, old people) are not treated well.
All men are not like my uncles. There are men who take good care of their parents but why are women not allowed to take up this responsibility? Why is it a sin to stay at a daughter’s place? Why can’t daughters perform the post-death rituals? Why are rules more important than love?
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Feminist. Autodidact. Introvert. Highly Sensitive Person. Optimist. Bookworm. Spiritual Seeker. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
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