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Expecting one sided adjustment only from women is unfair. Yet so many of us readily do it. If this is not conditioning by patriarchy, what is?
It is widely said by many that nowadays women have developed a lot when compared to the women thirty or forty years ago. The common perception is that as many of us go for jobs, we are said to be independent and enjoy a lot these days. Is this really true? I don’t know.
I feel that there is not much improvement in many of us irrespective of our jobs due to a hidden enemy which always defeats us. This enemy is so smart that we don’t even know that it hinders our growth. The main problem here is that we don’t realize our blunder and even feel proud to get defeated by this enemy…
I am talking about “ADJUSTMENT” which I strongly feel is the hidden enemy for many of us. It is like a curse and many of us would have heard of this word from early days of our life. It is said that we have to adjust a lot to be happy in our life. I have wondered many times that why it is said mostly to women and not men!
There are few of us who adjust to everything in life. We always want to be a role model and think of others’ happiness first and sacrifice a lot. We are wired in such a way that we think that it is our sole responsibility to serve others and we adjust without having the things that we yearned for.
I personally feel that adjustment causes more pain to us. Let me explain. As we adjust, we expect the same from others and we are happy if it is reciprocated by others. If not, we are upset towards them and it pains us a lot. It is almost as if women are expected to do this adjustment without expectations.
This hidden enemy attacks us a lot after marriage. Many of us are brought up like a princess in our parents’ home irrespective of our economic status. We get many things we wish for and enjoy our life a lot. It is natural that we have a little fear/anxiety regarding our future married life and if we are going to live in a joint family then we are worried more. At this stage, this adjustment advice is given to us by many people.
I am living in a joint family for many years and from my experience, I strongly feel that we need not win in the race to be the best daughter in law. Others expect a lot from us due to this, and we may feel pressurized to perform some activities even if we don’t wish to do it. It hurts us when others don’t reciprocate it and we are taken for granted.
I am not against mutual adjustment in any relationship..I wish to reiterate that adjustment shouldn’t always be one sided, and there is no hard and fast rule that only women should always adjust.
It is high time that we fight against our hidden enemy and always emerge as an unbeatable winner in our life!
Image source: YouTube
Who am I ???… I am sensitive, possessive, honest, a bit selfish and I believe in others fully..But if they betray my trust, I would neither forgive nor forget the same.. I may be right read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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