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As men, we have the responsibility of raising our voice for women's safety, says this author. For rape is certainly a demonstration of power, something that 'real men' should be able to control.
As men, we have the responsibility of raising our voice for women’s safety, says this author. For rape is certainly a demonstration of power, something that ‘real men’ should be able to control.
Some people sadists who derive pleasure by giving pain to others. They can also be misogynists who hate women. There is a high chance of them being control freaks who love to dominate people who are susceptible to their power.
No matter what category they fall in, these men are the same. These men rape. And they inflict trauma on a woman’s body and her psyche.
Last month began with a horrifying incident coming to light. A woman was raped by three men in an auto rickshaw after her infant daughter was thrown out of that moving vehicle. This happened in Gurugram. When I think of the kind of people we are surrounded by, there is an air of terror then envelopes my heart. And as I picture this brutal incident taking place, I tremble in pain.
Rape is not about sex and venting out your lust. There are ways to deal with sexual urges. Porn and prostitution are the outlets that men use to deal with their irresistible desire for bodily pleasure. Rape is about control. It is about humiliation. It is about showing your power. It is about forcing your wants.
Rapes take place during wars and reveal the dominating side of a soldier that normally stays hidden behind his disciplined demeanour. Rapes take place in marriage when a husband feels entitled to have sex with his wife. Rapes happen between colleagues and in families where a man feels a sense of ownership over a woman’s body and her desires.
“Women’s safety is a men’s issue”, said green comedian Vasu Primlani in one of her videos on women safety. There is no doubt that the world is full of creeps who want to savage a woman’s body at the slightest sight of her bare flesh. What about the rape of a three month old baby? That clearly had nothing to do with sex. The desire of men to force themselves upon a person who seems to be a potential victim is turning men into beasts who walk in human flesh.
When I come across these incidents, anger flows through my veins. Is there nothing that can be done to prevent these acts that portray the most pathetic side of men in our culture? The only answer to this question is to help men become more secure in their sexuality and masculinity. Majority of people are not psychopaths and leaving them aside, each one of us has the potential to un-learn and re-learn what we know about sex, female choice and become a caring human being.
We live in a country where abusive language revolves around copulating with your mother and sister. Names of a person’s private parts are used as slang. Men here get excited when a girl says no. We see movies that project true love when the hero refuses to accept no from a woman and turns into a pervert and stalks her.
Raising men to become gender sensitive and gender neutral in this patriarchal scenario is a big thing. Men around us who seem to have an insight into a woman’s mind and to her desires, educating them about gender, power and masculinity shall not be an easy task.
Being a man I have accepted and understood that women’s safety is a men’s issue and I discard the useless notions of culture and society that are based on chauvinism, sexism and patriarchy. Fellow men around me shall change and evolve. And I desperately hope that it happens soon.
Image source: pixabay
Arpit Chhikara is a freelance writer from Delhi who regularly spends his earnings on IRCTC. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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