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Some things people say to new moms are absolutely crazy - what kind of an answer do you really think one is supposed to give to these?
Some things people say to new moms are absolutely crazy – what kind of an answer do you really think one is supposed to give to these?
This piece is going to be light and I hope it will be read in the same spirit. It is to bring a smile on the faces of first-time mommies who have entered a fresh phase of life and let the mommies with slightly older kids take a trip down memory lane. I would sincerely request the readers not to interpret it as being intended to offend or disrespect anyone.
When I became a mom, here are some things people said to me that annoyed me. The only reason I did not react then was because I was always so tired from taking care of the baby. I can now look back and laugh hard and so should you.
In the first year of my baby, everyone who saw me strolling with him had their own view on whether he was sufficiently layered up or not. I was asked to add an extra layer if my son was wearing only one or remove the extra one on days I thought I did a good job of keeping him warm.
Well, if you are not going to follow this phrase with “so let me help you out”, please don’t say it at all to a new mommy. Of course I looked tired, staying up all night, feeding or changing diapers every two hours. It is also amusing when people make statements like their baby was not like this – he never cried, slept through the night since the beginning and had diapers filled with rose petals! I am certain every parent goes through a similar journey and thankfully passing time obscures some of these memories.
When your child is constantly on the move, comes the question “What did you eat during your pregnancy to make him so active?” I just think in my head that I ate a horse and so he’s galloping around like this!
While I may know that myself it was not great hearing it from others. Mainly because it does not feel good to learn that I carried the child for nine months, went through painful labour and he came out looking like his dad. However, I soon came to realise from others, that I am still better off hearing that he looks like at least one of his parents. It is worse if people say that he looks like neither of you!
My weight is nobody’s business. Even so, everyone I met had a viewpoint on it. I can only say while some women manage to get back to their old self soon enough, many don’t. And there’s nothing wrong with it. The body goes through so many changes before, during and after pregnancy. It is most important to feel good about yourself irrespective of your weight.
I wish there was a baby manual to accurately identify each time he cried. I was a new mom and it was my first time. Hence, I was also trying to figure out things along the way. Thankfully my baby was very forgiving and I would have expected others also to extend the same courtesy.
Anyone who calls post-pregnancy a vacation has clearly not had a baby or gone on a vacation. Sleepless nights, feeding all day, cleaning poop and changing diapers is surely not my idea of a vacation. Labour does not end only with delivery. Interestingly, sometimes, people who said this are the same people who earlier said, “You look so tired…” (refer point 2 above).
My son though only 4.5 years now, has always been tall for his age. People often mistake him for being older and look at me suspiciously when I reveal his correct age. Then comes the “are you sure?” It’s almost as if I forgot when he was born!
Published here earlier.
Image source: pixabay
Prerna Wahi worked in the corporate world for 7 years. In the past few years, she has been a stay-at-home mom. She has been enjoying the new role ever since and likes to read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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