A Letter To My Daughter: “Don’t Just Look Beautiful, Do Beautiful”

Posted: July 24, 2017

This beautiful, heartfelt letter to a daughter vividly expresses the innermost hopes and fears of a mother.

Dear Daughter,

For as long as I can remember, I have always imagined my child as a girl. I read somewhere that children are an extension of their parents’ desires and dreams. I sometimes imagine you and me playing together in a park during evenings, reading together our favourite books, exploring this amazing world travelling with you. I see you growing up into a kind, intelligent, smart and independent girl. A girl, who dreams, follows her heart, a girl who is strong and compassionate, a girl who is independent and caring, a girl who gives a damn about what people say and one who speaks her heart and mind.

But wait…I think I know this girl. It’s the same one I wanted to see when I looked into the mirror. So, did I succeed? I honestly don’t know. I certainly believe that I am smart, kind and intelligent. But do I always follow my heart, speak my mind and give a damn about what people say? I don’t think so. It’s tough not giving a damn about people when they are family or friends. It’s tough when you realize that your choices or decisions may cost you the peace of your family life. Then you pay the hefty price of your inner peace and buy the outer one so that people believe that all is well. You see?

It matters actually what people think. This would be our first lesson that we learn together – the peace that we usually see around is the outer one; inside it’s all chaos, utter chaos. I hope when the time comes and you ask me, ‘why it is so important to appear calm outside than inside for us’, I would be able to answer you. You see, I am still learning and we are together in this process. This world, is a beautiful place but sometimes we need to be cautious of our own kind of people, mankind.

I have my doubts about bringing you into this world because I am scared. Even a home isn’t safe for children sometimes because of the sick people out here. It’s scary out here. I want you to be the expression of my dreams, not my fears. But what if all my fears come true? What if I am not able to protect you? What if it puts indelible scars on your naïve mind like it did to me? I am sorry I can promise you calculated freedom only because of my fears but while I will always treat you as an equal, don’t expect much from the society we live in.

We like to tell ourselves that we are modern and open minded but it’s just a façade. You will see and learn the real thing yourself. Don’t assume things and don’t trust what your gut doesn’t tell you to. And, don’t forget to question anything that doesn’t make you feel ok. Ask, as many times as you want, as long as you don’t get the satisfying answers. Keep looking and keep exploring. There would be people who would directly or indirectly tell you that you are not enough. They try to feed you their negativity, don’t let them succeed. God made us all the same yet different. Trust his ways and accept yourself. Real beauty lies in making yourself and others feel beautiful. Don’t just look beautiful, do beautiful, say beautiful, read beautiful, write beautiful.

I can only pray to god that all my fears just be a fragment of my imagination and we both try and succeed in helping you grow into a strong and independent woman. It’s amazing to make your life beautiful and fulfilling but what’s more amazing is adding to the beauty in the lives of people around you.

Life would be so beautiful. I wish you would find the love of your life and settle down. But just in case you are not happy with it? What if you feel this is not what you expected or wanted, or you feel that you are not being treated equally in a relationship? What if you feel underutilized and want to explore more? What if you feel you made a wrong choice? What if you feel stuck? Life is like that only. You grow and learn by making choices and mistakes. There’s no such rule that life was created to make us settle down. There’s no such rule as getting everything right in the first go. Life is to live.

But what if you don’t want to settle down at all or you turn out to be a girl who is not ‘normal’? Here I would like to reiterate this point that to us, people of this world, ‘anything that doesn’t comply with the standards of this society or anything that’s different is not ‘normal’. What if you tell me that you just want to travel the world, earn just enough to pay for bare necessities and not settle down? What if one day you call to tell me that you want to adopt a child and work at a community run school in a remote village? What if you tell me you just want to get lost? Trust me, I would be okay with anything till it makes you happy and is not criminal or immoral.

I will not keep you tied down to me or anybody. You do that if you want and don’t if you don’t want. Keep yourself happy and healthy first. Make yourself your priority. Love yourself, grow with each passing day, be a better version of yourself but refrain from comparison. This world is not a competition or a race. Don’t sacrifice your own self for proving a point to others. You don’t need to join every fight and win it. You don’t need to own everything to make a happy living. Simple and clutter free living makes you feel free. Be it a clutter of belongings, material things, emotions or relationships. Just simplify.

Nobody owns it all in this world and nobody is perfect. There is a lot to a person which is oblivious to our eyes. Learn to look beyond your vision. Be as kind as you can be. This world needs a lot of kind and loving people who can restore our faith in humanity. Work on yourself and invest in yourself because you are the one who would always be with you. As much as I understand nature, a parent is only responsible to bring a child into this world, help and raise them till they are independent. After that, it’s their life and their journey. I hope we make ours a memorable one together.

Love.

Top image via Pexels

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