Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Do you have a friend with no kids, and do you feel the need to know why? Rest easy - we've broken it down for you here so you can stop asking intrusive questions.
Do you have a friend with no kids, and do you feel the need to know why? Rest easy – we’ve broken it down for you here so you can stop asking intrusive questions.
Even today, it’s amazing how people feel like its their bounden duty to pester any (married) woman for ‘good news’. And contrary to popular perception, its not just elderly aunties and uncles who do this, but friends, cousins, neighbours and sundry others from your own age group as well.
So, for the benefit of all such who feel compelled to point out the ticking of others biological clocks, I’m listing down here the 5 reasons that your friend doesn’t have kids. Chances are that she falls in one of these categories, so how about you be a dear about it and mind your own business instead?
Yes, this is a perfectly valid reason. And no, it may not be because she had a horrible childhood or hates children. She just doesn’t want kids of her own. Resist the temptation to point out to her that she may regret this choice once her biological clock runs out. Presumably, she knows her own mind better than you do.
Perhaps she wants kids but is unable to conceive. Perhaps she is going through a difficult round of IVF treatment. Perhaps she has had miscarriages. Perhaps she’s going through a major health treatment that leaves her with no energy for sex! Guess what? No one owes you their medical history. Stop asking what went wrong. It is painful to want children and be unable to have them. Don’t make it worse on her.
You may think you know how your friend is placed financially but hey – perhaps she doesn’t really want to pull out and show you her bank statements. Your friend may have decided against having kids – or deferred having kids – because of her financial situation, and no, it’s not okay to tell her that “kids need love more than money.” Sure kids need love, but its her right to have children when she feels confident about raising them in an increasingly expensive world.
You think you know her husband and he seems like a “perfect guy”. But maybe they’re not in a good place. Perhaps she is considering divorce. Or just doesn’t feel confident of bringing a child into an unhappy situation. Again, no one owes you all their deep, dark secrets.
Her job requires a ton of travel and she doesn’t want to have a child until she moves up a rung or two. She has an elderly parent who is bedridden. Resist the impulse to point out that there are other women who “do it all”. You are dealing with an individual, not a ‘trend’.
Summary? Your friend has her own reasons for not having a child, or deferring having a child until later. Give it a rest. If you’re truly feeling helpful, watch out and be alert to how you can actually help her instead of asking intrusive questions that only satisfy your inner thirst for gossip.
Image via GraphicStock
I may look sleepy, but I'm pretty wide awake. Feminist techie. Haunts the library. Kills the patriarchy in her spare time. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
Please enter your email address