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Do your partner and your marriage a favour; don’t build your life around him. Be there for him but first be there for yourself first.
A young colleague who is about to get married complained that her fiancée keeps busy and does not give her time. While she wants to spend all or most of her time hanging out with her fiancée, the guy is busy setting up his entrepreneurial venture and not able to spend as much time with her as she wants. She was looking for advice on how to keep engaged.
This set me thinking – How and why do girls set expectations from marriage and their partners? What is a fair expectation from both?
Sociologically marriage is supposed to be one great milestone for girls,“teri shaadi mein aise hoga, waise hoga”. Often Indian mothers tell their little daughters, “I have kept this gold jewellery set for your wedding”.
Ask any young girl what marriage means to her and she will tell you about her ideal partner, a romantic courtship period, what she is going to wear on her wedding day, jewellery, finery, cosmetics, trousseau shopping, etc. A lot of hype and expectations is inbuilt into the concept of marriage.
No doubt it is a milestone but nobody gives girls a realistic picture of what to expect after marriage. Nobody really prepares the girls for the adjustments that she has to make once she leaves her parents’ house to go and live with another family. Nobody tells her that she needs to maintain her own identity when she is joined in holy matrimony with another soul. Marriage is a new experience for him too (mostly), and he is also getting used to have another person share his home, his space and his life.
Generally once a girl gets into coupledom, she wants to be with her partner in all her free time. She wants to hang out, go out, eat out and have every experience with her man to the point that all her happiness and joy depends on her guy. While the poor guy might enjoy this attention initially, eventually he could feel cloistered and burdened by your expectations.
Give the man a chance. Make him a part of your life, not the centre of your universe.
Love …yes. Unconditional love… of course yes. Loving you partner/spouse, however, does not mean that you stop loving yourself.
Love yourself completely and unconditionally. Pamper yourself. Take care of yourself. Remember you used to have an identity before you met your partner. Don’t lose that girl. And if that girl is lost somewhere, seek her out. Visit a parlour, learn a new craft, buy books to read or get membership to a library if you love reading, take self-improvement classes, in short invest in yourself.
Each one of us has a gift or a talent. If you have already discovered your gift, nurture it. If not, explore and discover it. You owe it to yourself and your parents. Don’t tell me you don’t even remember what your hobbies are. Think what is it that makes you happy and fulfilled without any input from anyone else. Your spouse may or may not share your hobby/passion in life. Irrespective of that, find time to indulge your passion in life.
Be someone your partner will be proud of. Have your own identity.
This is a peculiar problem faced by the feminine gender because it comes naturally to them – to make their spouse the raison d’être of their existence. When the spouse gets busy earning the daily bread, butter, cheese and the occasional dessert …ladies have a lot of time on their hands with absolutely no clue what to do. Rather than waiting for him and cribbing that he doesn’t give you time, find your centre within you.
Your friends are one of your biggest support systems. They were there before your Prince Charming came along. Take the initiative to keep in touch with your friends. Hanging out with friends has a therapeutic effect, believe it or not.
You owe it to yourself to keep your body healthy and disease free. So aim to exercise daily for an hour every day. Aim high so that even if you skip a day or two in the week, you still exercise at least five days a week. Exercise helps release chemicals in your body which promote feelings of well being and happiness.
Published here earlier.
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A journalist by education, a marketing professional by trade and a blogger by choice. A lifelong learner, she cherishes her dance and yoga lessons, digs mythological fiction and listens to music that speaks. She's read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
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