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Do you catch yourself telling boys not to cry? These 'good' boys are growing up to become silent, 'strong', grim men who are unable to handle any emotion!
Do you catch yourself telling boys not to cry? These ‘good’ boys are growing up to become silent, ‘strong’, grim men who are unable to handle any emotion!
The other day, my son who is 8 years old was clearly being upset about not being able to attend his best friend’s birthday. He had all planned it out for so many days and due to some family emergency, his plan had to be ripped. He was very sad and cried to his heart’s content. All the elders in the family were very expressive over his outburst.
“Are you a girl?” “Are you a small child?” “Why are you crying?” “Boys don’t cry?” “Only the girls cry!” “Grow up! Be a Man!”
Something stuck me there! Why can’t a boy cry? Crying is just an emotion. An expression of sadness. Girls and boys, men and women feel sadness alike. As adults, we create a barrier. We tell our boys to grow up and not to cry. We teach them that expressing emotions especially sad emotions is a weakness. We expect from them to accept everything in stoic silence. We tell them, males are supposed to be tough and crying is a sign of weakness.
Telling boys not to cry, without giving them a way to release their pent up emotions, we are giving them a strong and clear message that expressing sadness is wrong, expressing emotions is wrong.
The result we get is Men who hide up emotions, keep stuffing them, bottling them inside, and men who lack an ability for intimacy. We teach them not to show emotions and then when they grow up, we complain that they are so distant and unemotional.
In a stark contrast, if it is your little girl who cries, mums and even dads will sit with her, listen to her complete woes, each and every detail – and let her release all her emotions till she is done. When she grows big, she will have her whole circle of friends who will let her repeat her whole saga till it cheers her up. So, we as females will constantly replay the emotions in our head even when we will not have anyone to share.
When faced with a tricky emotional situation, we women will want to talk it out, shed tears and release all emotions. In a similar situation, if I see males in my family, they would be totally grim-faced, silent and would want the whole family to just become invisible till they feel like talking again.
So, in such a situation rather than a family supporting each other, it will be a crying wife who will need someone to talk, a husband who is stoic and uncomfortable over his wife’s crying, who will want to be left alone. The female will keep dwelling on the situation while the male will tend to ignore and act as if there is nothing to discuss.
Shedding tears helps us to release stress, anxiety, grief and frustration out of our system. Stocking up emotions inside is harmful both for the body as well as the mind. People who tend to bottle up are at greater risk of diseases such as depression, heart disease and hypertension.
Studies have found that crying helps release ‘endorphins’, the feel-good hormones. So, a good crying will make you feel light and better.
So next time, you see your young boy crying, let him do it to his heart’s content. Encourage him to speak up his emotions as there is nothing wrong with expressing what you feel. If he feels sad, let him say it. There is nothing unmanly in speaking your emotions. Telling boys not to cry is wrong.
Let your boys cry. Let us raise a generation of sensitive emotionally available males.
And let we girls learn from boys not to dwell and move on swiftly as they do.
Image source: pixabay
A vagabond ! A lost soul ! A blank page trying to write my own story! By profession, I am a Pathologist ! A doctor behind the scenes. By passion, I am a blogger. I love reading, writing, read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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