Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Within a few weeks after I was diagnosed with advanced stage ovarian cancer in Nov 2015, I discovered something: Almost everyone is a cancer expert.
I got excellent medical treatment at Manipal Hospital due to which I was able to achieve remission within a few months, but the surgeon and the oncologist didn’t have any advice for me on how to prevent cancer from relapsing. They only knew about the statistical chances of re-occurrence – and said that monitoring every three months to catch early, if it relapses was the only guidance. Only if there is no re-occurrence for five years, one is considered “cured” of cancer.
On the other hand, I got plenty of advice from many friends, FB friends and complete strangers on how to prevent cancer from relapsing.
These ranged from tolerable ones such as “wear this tayita (sacred thread)”, “drink certain fruit juice every day”, “switch to millets”, “eat ghee” etc. to the nausea-inducing “drink cow-urine every day” – to highly risky propositions such as “stop chemo. alkaline treatment is the only way”!
I heard from the cancer survivors, family members of cancer victims as well as others who had just read about cancer. Some were convinced that cancer treatment was all a mafia because of drug companies! Others were convinced that either some diet, or pollution or something else was the main factor which caused cancer to begin with – and could have been completely avoided had I done so-and-so from the beginning. Never mind that they or their family members weren’t following the same advice they were giving me to prevent getting cancer in future!
Now, all of this advice was from well-meaning people. So, I had to handle all advice with grace and gratefulness, yet use my own judgement on what to do. My response to most was that to deflect “I will discuss with my oncologist. If he agrees, I will take it”. Toughest were the ones where the adviser would do a follow up – “what did your doctor say?” “did you start taking so-and-so I suggested a few days ago”.
A lot of people tell me they admire me for facing the cancer with grit – and returning to normal life very soon. Many people tell me that since “I am a fighter”, I will “come out a survivor”.
To be honest, I wasn’t – and I am still not – courageous about this matter. I still fret for several days before my next scheduled 3-month monitoring tests. I have burst into tears countless number of times – while alone or while with my husband. My voice shakes even now when describing the experience to someone. They may be saying so because they truly believe it – or as a general statement to make me feel better – but the fact of the matter is there is no way in the current medical world to accurately predict if a particular person relapses or not. All we know are the historical statistical figures such as 90% survival rate, 30% chances of re-occurrence etc.
Along with excellent medical treatment, I had a lot of help and emotional support from husband, parents, parents-in-law, relatives and friends – which I believe played significant role in my well-being. In addition, I stayed with my own treatment plans and held on to my rationality based on my readings. I didn’t doubt myself or my doctors every time I heard one of the numerous bits of ‘advice’ and I didn’t get swayed or go ‘chasing’ the vague and elusive ‘cures’.
Whether I end up successfully crossing 5-year-mark or succumb to re-occurrence, I firmly know that I have either fallen into one side of the statistical survival rate or the other side and not because I didn’t drink apricot juice or cow-urine. Such intellectual firmness, I believe, is crucial for the well-being of any cancer patients – but most patients do not receive such perspective from their well-wishers.
Image source: pixabay
Shanthala Damle is an activist who dares to take on social issues head-on. She is passionate about discovering opportunities and developing platforms to empower women to flourish. Shanthala studied Engineering from Davanagere, Karnataka and read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
Please enter your email address