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Talking about depression is hard, and more so for the person who is suffering from depression. Talk to someone you trust, or take help of a therapist, says this author.
My son was sleeping and I was online. An invitation comes in for a symposium in town, and one amongst the delegate is Dr. Rekha Prasad, Psychotherapist. She is one of the best in our country, has published various books on her research and is an orator too. The cursor is dangling between the accept-decline tab but I could not decide the one. “Maybe I should think this over”, I thought.
It is late afternoon. “He will wake up any moment”. I shut down my laptop and rushed to make some quick snacks for him. Dilemma, confusion. “Shall I go for it? But who will take care of him for a half day?”
The phone rings, it is my mother. “Hey your father is going out of town for a week so I am coming over to have a blast with him!”
“You are a saviour Maa!” I logged in quickly and accepted the invitation. I wanted to attend the symposium and with every passing day my excitement grew.
The next week my superwoman mom came and I told her everything. She happily ordered me to go, “I do not want anyone between me and my grandson.”
I got up early and got ready to go to the venue. I was nervous like a bride, excited like a groom and confused like my son. I entered the hall, all occupied and silent.
It started with a flaring introduction and soon it sped up. The two other doctors spoke about relationships and its complications.
After an hour Dr. Rekha came up to the podium. She came and stood still, silent. Silent for ten minutes, smiling in between. Why was she not speaking? Everyone was going impatient and in the midst someone yelled, “Say something, why are you silent?”
“I am glad you asked to speak, silence kills”.
Everybody smiled round the hall and I heard myself, “She is magnificent!”
She continued, “People say, life is short, live it to the fullest. I find this so irrelevant as a psychiatrist. Life is long, that is why it gets boring, dull and depressed. So to live it up, break the silence. Have any one of you tried?”
Some of us raised our hand.
“Good. So did it work?”
A lady volunteered, “Yes, it did. But the span was very less. After a few days it was the same like earlier and then it went worse. “
“Hmm..how many of you are in a relationship or married. Please raise your hand and wave?”
The entire hall was waving like some musical concert. I was waving and thought of my child – he must be having a good time with his Nani.
“Silence is the killer, break this shield and speak up.”
Hesitant I raised my hand and with her permission, “I tried to talk about it with him, he understood but after some days, I felt the same. Later I stopped initiating and I found all my self lost, sad and grieving. I am not happy. I did not want to speak anymore, cried over small issues. I shielded myself in the shell of my child. He too gave up on me. I think my marriage is not happy anymore. So in my case talking did not help.”
She smiled and appreciated my honesty. “How many of you felt the same way at least once in your life, or can relate to this young lady?”
To my surprise everyone raised their hand. Men too.
“This is depression.”
Oohhh, the entire hall echoed in sync. “When you are feeling low, you start noticing flaws in everyone around you. It is more common in women, because they suffer the most. The house wife and the working women, they walk on the sword everyday to balance all their relationships, so they tend to get hurt more.”
A lady got up and blurted, “I am a new mother. I and my husband decided to share the responsibility, but today I am standing alone in the arena. From feeding, diapering, bathing to waking up at night, it is all my job. He forget the parenting part and appreciating my efforts. “
“They work 12 hours a day, they have to sleep at least 8 hours. At least one hour for daily chores. Where is the time left to understand your feelings?”
The hall was smiling. I was grinning, cheek to cheek.
Another lady from crowd, “What about weekend?”
“Oh come on ladies, they have a social life too, friends, acquaintances, colleagues. He stayed with you the entire week. He needs to freshen up!”
A lot of us asked in chorus, “And us!”
“What do you do at home, you are the mother, it is your job. Is this not what you hear back? The solution to all these problems is talk, talk about the person, talk about your feelings, yell out your mood but not to him, to US. Talk to the experts who can understand your emotions. We are one call away if you are hesitant to step at the clinic.”
She smiled and closed her talk. We were clapping thunderous.
The session ended up with a thank you speech. I went to the reception and asked Dr. Rekha’s visiting card and slipped it into my bag. I left for my home happy and content promising myself for a change.
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A space tech lover, engineer, researcher, an advocate of equal rights, homemaker, mother, blogger, writer and an avid reader. I write to acknowledge my feelings. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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