Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Maybe it is time to break stereotypes like "a mother knows what's best for the child" and that Dad cannot be a good parent.
Maybe it is time to break stereotypes like “a mother knows what’s best for the child” and that Dad cannot be a good parent.
“I don’t trust my husband with childcare responsibilities!” proclaimed a friend as we watched over her three-year-old daughter. On probing, she elaborated, “He can’t handle her tantrums and allows her to eat junk food. He doesn’t care if her clothes are clean or if she has taken her water bottle along. She gets into poor routines and bad habits with him. I know he loves her, makes an effort, tries his best, and all of that, but I think a child needs a mother. Whatever the world says about gender equality, childcare is a mother’s domain!”
I went home feeling rather restless that evening. My friend’s declaration unsettled me in unexpected ways; not because it stirred the feminist in me, but it questioned my growth as a person and woman. “Did I not turn out alright? Could I have been better if was raised by a woman? Am I not adequate?” I questioned myself over and over that night.
I was eight years old when my mother’s sudden demise left me with a father and two teenage brothers. Although quite young at that time, I still recall the discomfort and anxiety of that period. Suddenly we were on our own, grieving and grappling with our new reality. I now relied on my father to braid my hair, help me with school work, commute, and understand my emotional needs. Would he be able to comprehend what’s in my heart, I often wondered?
My father had an unusual parenting style. He never checked if I wore clean clothes or ate a nutritious lunch. He rarely asked me about my exam scores. My father insisted I make my decisions which convinced me that I wasn’t one of his own. I was sent off to trips and adventure camps to harden up and understand the realities of life outside my cushy home; as an introvert and shy child, it was tough!
Tactics such as crying and feeling sorry for myself didn’t work with him. Life skills such as driving, travelling alone, cooking weren’t an ‘option’ for me. Regardless of my career choice, I was told that financial independence was a necessity irrespective of gender.
He played a significant role in my life which moulded me into the woman I am today. His outspoken nature encouraged me to express myself fearlessly. He never equated my gender with my abilities. His insistence on self-respect laid the foundation for my positive self-esteem. I learned to take ownership of my decisions as well as their consequences. But above all, the experience taught me to view people for who they are, regardless of gender or relationship labels.
He perhaps didn’t aspire to a fill maternal void in my life, but he nurtured me in his unique way. There was a method to his madness; sometimes flawed but mostly effective. Together, we got through it, and I can confidently say that I’ve evolved as a fine human being.
I hope my story, even in a small way, challenges the stereotypes we build around genders and their roles. I hope it encourages us to move past the rigidity of gender roles and love without boundaries or labels. Men can be as victimised by cultural norms and societal pressure as women. Consider examples such as “men don’t cry” or “nursing or teaching aren’t career options for men” or even “boys don’t wear pink”.
If feminism is all about equality, shouldn’t men have an equal and unbiased opportunity too? Let’s applaud fathers who choose to be stay-at-home-dads with the same gusto as we would for a woman cracking business deals. In fact, the more men participate in childcare and home duties, the more time will women have to explore lives outside their families and homes.
The situation is challenging, and it may even take more than a lifetime to create a gender-neutral culture. However, every change begins with a shift in mindset and a leap of faith. Ladies, now is the time to break the stereotypes around gender roles and create a gender-neutral society. Let’s do this, for us, for our children, and for many generations to come.
Become a premium user on Women’s Web and get access to exclusive content for women, plus useful Women’s Web events and resources in your city.
Image source: shutterstock
A feline worshiper, beach bum, and book chomper, who loves to eat, write, and travel. I spend my time writing, studying publishing and communication, cuddling my fur children, watching the sunset, and trying to make read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Being a writer, Nivedita Louis recognises the struggles of a first-time woman writer and helps many articulate their voice with development, content edits as a publisher.
“I usually write during night”, says author Nivedita Louis during our conversation. Chuckling she continues,” It’s easier then to focus solely on writing. Nivedita Louis is a writer, with varied interests and one of the founders of Her Stories, a feminist publishing house, based in Chennai.
In a candid conversation she shared her journey from small-town Tamil Nadu to becoming a history buff, an award-winning author and now a publisher.
Nivedita was born and raised in a small town in Tamil Nadu. It was for schooling that she first arrived in Chennai. Then known as Madras, she recalls being awed by the city. Her love-story with the city, its people and thus began which continues till date. She credits her perseverance and passion to make a difference to her days as a vocational student among the elite sections of Madras.
Please enter your email address