Dealing With The Identity Crisis As A Mother Who Would Like To Do More With Life

Posted: February 19, 2017

Do you suffer an identity crisis as a mother and homemaker who would like to follow her passion and work? Here’s how you can deal with it.

I have seen many mocking a working mother. For them, a mother’s primary responsibility is to take care of her children and family. And if she joins back her office post delivery then she is the career-oriented and selfish Mom!

I am a stay-at-home-mom and I am not advocating any particular set of women. As a woman and as a mother, I know every woman, directly and indirectly, works for social emancipation. She is the one who nurtures her family and ultimately a society.

Everyone is different and so are their views. Surely, we cannot ask anyone to change their views just because we are not convinced of them! At the same time, it’s equally important to clear some pre- conceived notions which have settled in their minds on a larger scale.

There was the time when I had worked in a big corporate before I planned to quit my career for my kids. But that was typically our choice as parents and certainly, you have more challenges when you stay in the nuclear family and far off from your parents.

It happened many times when I wanted to join back to work and aspired to work at same passion which I had earlier. I love to work; being engaged in any kind of work which gives me mental peace. The only thing where I missed was if I could have dealt with my post partum blues in another manner, then I would have been at a much senior post now – I can vouch for my skills and hard work!

On the contrary, I don’t have any guilt about having ‘wasted’ eight years of life in bringing up my family. I enjoyed that period too and they are my lifetime memories.

When I realized that my children are a little grown up and can manage in day care for few hours, I started floating my resume to get back to work. But honestly, it’s not easy to get a job after a long gap. I am not a person who is not updated with new technology, or what the new trend is – I have always made sure that I need to connect with the outer world which is need of an hour and I did so in all possible ways.

I was ready to justify my long career gap and compromising to join as a lower level executive. The reason why suddenly the lust for work sparked is because I was missing my work. Yes, the place where I can use my mental level capabilities.

Often I get angry with people when they target working women or stay at home moms. Former for being a selfish person and latter for non-contributing towards the society. How can someone judge working mothers for ‘leaving’ their children only to ‘earn money’? They should understand that money is not everything. There are few more things which need to be considered.

One- The sense of satisfaction of using their skills towards the betterment of society.

Secondly, coming out of the identity crisis which happen to every woman. And there could be many more commitments which many won’t aware of.

Additionally, for stay-at-home-moms, its all about their personal choice. It doesn’t mean that they are wasting their degrees in cleaning kids’ poop! One educated mother can bring up educated families and it’s indeed a social contribution. Yes, it happens sometimes – when you too feel as a victim of identity crisis and when you think that you might lose your identity as someone’s wife, someone’s mother and someone’s daughter-in-law. But one can come out with that too!

Getting your identity back is nowhere related to earning money. Even if you work for few hours for an NGO or enhance your skills as a singer, writer, a dancer you are grooming yourself. You are back as with your identity as a Dancer, Writer, NGO-Volunteer, Social worker, Yoga teacher or the myriad of things.

It’s a different aspect if you have planned your life completely with your own family. Then one should happily accept it and never get into guilt trap but if you have a few other dreams for your life then go ahead with them.

There is no stopping for anyone in this world. And never is late to learn and to start. The only thing I know is to keep dreaming and to work hard to realize them. They will surely one day!

There is one famous quote, “Practice any art, however well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow”…Kurt Vonnegut.

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