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Brought up in Mumbai, my marriage had me shifting to a new city, Delhi, and the first few months were depressing. But this is how I dealt with it!
I was born and brought up in the city of Mumbai and married into a family in Delhi: a city of amazing food, cool winters, state of the art metro, lively parties and warmhearted people.
Mumbai treated me like her child. She pampered me, she made me happy, she wiped my tears, she gave me my education, my job, my friends and the rest of my family. Mumbai, you make me so happy. Even today, I cannot wait to get back to you. Do you know the feeling you get every time your mom hugs you ? That is the same feeling I experience every single time I step into Mumbai. Mumbai, tu sach main meri jaan hai.
If Mumbai was like a mother who nurtured me, then Delhi was the strict father who wanted his child to be strong and fearless. Delhi made sure I grew up, he made sure I wasn’t protected and cocooned anymore.
As a kid, my dad used to give me swimming lessons. I used to be terrified of the deeper side of the swimming pool. One day my dad simply picked me up and threw me into the pool without any prior warning. I sunk to the bottom and immediately started swimming my way up. From that day on wards my fear vanished and I was confident enough to swim anywhere. Delhi did the same with me. Today, I am not that shy and timid girl who would take people’s s#&t. Now, I am stronger and smarter! Thank you Delhi!
To cut the sob-story short: When I was new to Delhi, I didn’t have any friends, no knowledge about the city, no entertainment, no close relatives, no way to pass time…
Slowly the city got to my sanity. I started getting bouts of depression. I reached the very bottom in my personal life. I would fight with the husband everyday, I would hate staying home, I hated everything and everyone including myself. Life reached at a point where I hated myself for everything and just wanted to die alone. I did visit a psychiatrist in a desperate attempt to make myself happy but no results.
However, things changed: after sinking to the bottom, I pushed myself to swim up. The husband also pulled up his socks and made sure we got through this teething process together.
Now that I have gone through this learning process with great difficulty, I wanted to share a few tips and tricks which helped me adjust to a new city and life faster.
Learn how to drive a car or master the public transport of the city. I can now travel anywhere in Delhi without being dependent on my husband or anyone else.
Financially, emotionally or physically. For example: I always save cash from my household expenses for a rainy day.
Even if you have nowhere to go, get dressed for yourself. Look beautiful for yourself.
Draw your own timetable which involves a balance home and other activities. Make sure you are busy all the time.
Take a walk, join a gym, dance or do whatever suits you. But move that body.
Just because you are a home-maker I doesn’t mean your learning should stop. Join some activity classes ( I learnt professional make-up, Chinese food and Garba dance) or book reading clubs etc.
Meet as many new people as you can. Make your own friend circle apart from the one you share with your husband.
A house-help is certainly great, but maybe you should do some of the chores yourself?
Check out all the markets, visit historical monuments and experience the city as tourist. Watch a movie alone or just drink coffee and read a book – just go and do these things all by yourself.
This is extremely important. Get to know your in-laws well. My mom-in-law and I shop till we drop, we go for luncheons, we go for a walk together, we eat all the meals of the day together, we even pray together. My cousins especially my brother-in-law played a major role in helping me adjust to the city. My devar (s) and sister-in-law were my first friends in the city.
I hope these tips would help you when you shift to a new city. Apart from all the gyan, don’t stress too much you’ll rock your life irrespective of any hurdles you face!
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Published here earlier.