My Sexuality Could Be Fluid. Why Should I Be Asked To Commit To One Type?

Posted: January 20, 2017
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Who gave us the right to decide the sexuality of others? Shouldn’t we let people decide for themselves, at their own time?

I was at a cafe, choosing the most quaint looking spot as usual. I glanced the surroundings. Ordered my hazelnut cappuccino and took to writing a piece on ‘illusioned relationships’.

I observed how he made my coffee. Half heartedly. He had a long day, or that’s the excuse his eyes gave away as he handed out my cuppa. There was a girl with short hair, sans makeup but so charming that I bit my tongue. She sat next to my table.

“What could she be?” My thoughts wavered. “Short hair and minimalism, must be a lesbian.” My short sighted brain worked it all out. I hit myself for literally tearing a girl (a stranger) open and judging her sexuality based on her hair cut. I struck off ‘illusioned relationships’ and wrote ‘sexuality’ below it.

From the days of asking someone about their sexuality, we have come to a time to decide it for them based on how they look and behave. How convenient and selfless of us. pats back with a brick.

We are constantly stripping and ripping the person in front of us… in our mind. There are some who strike such a huge cord that at the tenth second of seeing them, we are already picturing how good we will be together in bed. Some  who we might have to try hard to strike even a hello to begin with.

Sexuality plays a huge role. You like it or not. Accept it or not.

“Are you a lesbian?” someone asked me when I commented on how aesthetically appealing Parvathy Menon is. The same person asked me “Are you a bisexual?” when I commented on how unabashedly attracted I was to the male lead of the film. Which had me think – “Should I actually be putting my sexuality on the table to even comment about my liking towards a fellow human being?”

Why should someone reveal who they are to you? Why should someone even be boxed into a sexual preference?

We all go through phases in life. Phases that last days, months or even years.

Phases of being aversive to the opposite gender. Blame the nasty break up and the social media stalking.

Phases of loving your own gender much much more. Blame that friend who set unreasonably high standards of being nice and understanding.

Phases of being asexual and not having the need towards either of the gender. Well, blame the evolution of mankind.

What’s all this hoohah about sexual identity? We are in 2016, and we are still at a time where we are coming to terms with gender identity. Lets not rush here. Take it slow. We have time until 4016. Well that was sarcasm if you didn’t get it.

I might be a homosexual today and asexual tomorrow and straight the day after. Sexuality is in the mind more than the body. Its not about getting up one fine day and declaring to the world that we have finally figured out who we are. Its not.

Why should I figure out my sexuality? Who are you to tell me I belong to only a particular tribe? What is the need to come out of the closet because you want to make sure you tag me to be just that? My closet is big and diverse. I may come out if it feeling differently. Hasn’t the world been changing the way we think and see? Isn’t the society a bigger reason and almost directly responsible for me to change my sexual preferences?

I might be a lesbian but damn that guy saved me from getting into a mess. I am so mentally attracted to him. He gives me emotional orgasms. Why am I pressurised to declare my sexual preferences? Isn’t that way too personal? Isn’t that way too much for you to ask and know? If I like you in some way, then I like you. If I don’t, then I don’t. It is that simple. You needn’t sip your pint or the bloody Mary and decipher my sexual anatomy!

There are so many out there who are still figuring out who they are and most of them are forced to tick a box and stick to it simply because you think that’s how it should work. They are forced to stick to one even before figuring it out themselves. They can neither come out of it because hey that means they have been wearing a mask nor can they continue to live this life of closed doors. Because of the doors closed by you, they end up opening the one that leads them to an end.

Sexuality isn’t a must have that one needs to constantly swear by the book of truths to adhere to. It changes at times and it is absolutely OK. Do not start to question your morals and ethics based on this. We are all humans. Our minds aren’t made to think only in one direction all the time.

Do yourself a favour and stop dissecting what people are and what their body parts crave for. It does not matter to you. It is none of your business. Their sexual preferences are not going to change their characterisation as a human. Be free and set them free.

Be who you think you are at that given moment. Don’t let your sexuality ruin your decisions of anything in life. You don’t need to force yourself to belong to a L G B T Q A S. If someone asks you what your sexuality is, just tell them to F O.

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Image source: flickr

sharada subramanian

sharada subramanian

Author of 'Make it 2'. Poet. Tiny tales writer. Inspirer. Extremist. Feminist. Humanist. Mentalist. Filter kaapi and dark chocolate addict.


Author's Blog: http://marinatedmind.wordpress.com

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4 Comments


  1. Kasturi Patra

    A beautifully written and thought provoking piece. Loved the way you said how our minds and our preferences keep changing with time and how there is no need to box anyone into a rigid compartment. Thank you for writing this. I loved it! In fact, I feel so much more liberated and free after reading this. 🙂

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