Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
While our children grow up into teenagers nowadays, let's understand the shift taking place in them and in their way of needing us.
While our children grow up into teenagers nowadays, let’s understand the shift taking place in them and in their way of needing us.
Over the past few months, as I’ve spent more time at home, I’ve wondered why my teenage children sometimes point out that they missed me on the few occasions when I’ve been out. While it’s nice to know I’ve been missed, I thought it was rather strange because when I am around at home, they seem to be content doing their own things. And hours can go by when we haven’t talked to each other.
All of us parents and especially those of us with corporate or professional lives, struggle to spend more time with the family and children and make the most of ‘quality over quantity’.
I came across this wonderful article on New York Times talking about teenagers nowadays and the role of ‘potted plant parents’ in their lives. I loved this term and the article resonated with me as I think it makes sense for many of us, who as parents of adolescents, need to understand the shift taking place in our children. And understand the shift taking place in the way that our children relate to us and need us.
As our two teenagers have been growing up, we have been seeing the change taking place at our home. Dinner time together continues to be important. But often catching up over dinner or those “so, how was your day” conversations work only to an extent. That does not mean that our children do not want to talk about their day. Maybe they do not want to talk about it just then.
Also not all the activities that we used to do together when they were younger find common ground now in terms of timings or interests. In other words, as many of us parents of adolescents would know, they now need to be ‘convinced’ about joining us for activities. Activities that they would have all too readily jumped at or insisted on joining when they were younger.
This shift taking place in their behaviour is coming from the changes taking place in them as they grow and develop their independent views, interests and choices. This needs to translate into us understanding that shift in our teenagers, and respect that they can need us and connect with us differently during these years.
I have been experiencing that even if I’m just being around my children or taking the ‘form of blending into the background like a potted plant’, that time does matter to them. It may seem like we are not pursuing any common activity, nor are we having any conversation. But then sometimes they suddenly open up and talk. They share their viewpoint on something. Or show a song or video they like. Or seek advice on something that’s been troubling them.
As the article rightly states this is as relevant for full-time working or travelling (‘fly-in, fly-out’) parents – both fathers and mothers – as they can stay connected with their teenagers nowadays “by regularly checking in by social media, texts and FaceTime — letting their kids know that even though they were away, they were still watching.”
So fellow parents of teenagers, let’s not fret if our children are doing their own thing. Let’s understand that they still need us in their teenage years, just that they need us differently. Let’s embrace our potted plant parenting and enjoy these years together with them!
Become a premium user on Women’s Web and get access to exclusive content for women, plus useful Women’s Web events and resources in your city.
Image source: shutterstock
I am Dipali Ekbote. I have been a corporate professional with an exciting 20 years in the financial technology industry. I am a mother of two teenagers - a girl and a boy. I trek, write, read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
The plight of Indian women's mental health often goes unnoticed. Co-founders Vivek Satya Mitram and Pooja Priyamvada conceived the idea of the Bharat Dialogues Women & Mental Health Summit to address this.
Trigger Warning: This contains descriptions of mental health trauma and suicide, and may be triggering for survivors.
Author’s note: The language and phraseology used are not the author’s words but the terms and narrative popularly used for people living with mental illnesses, and may feel non-inclusive. It is merely for putting our point across better.
I have seen how horrifying was the treatment given to those with mental illness.
People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
Please enter your email address