Ever since we announced my pregnancy at 12 weeks, I had to face this question a lot. Sometimes from complete strangers too.
“You are going to be a mom. How do you feel, eh?”
Like a Pigosaurus.
Yup. That was the first response that would pop up in my mind. Of course I didn’t say it out loud. For two reasons – First, my hormone-ridden moody self couldn’t be arsed into explaining what that meant and second, it wasn’t the expected answer!
Thanks to the cover pictures on the various parenting and baby magazines, a to-be-mom is ‘expected’ to be that glowing image of a woman of perfect shape, perfect hair, happily gazing at their perfect round belly while sitting in the balcony of her impeccable home, and did I mention she is always happily smiling at everyone? I was not any of it. Ha !
I couldn’t actually decide how I felt. It wasn’t as simple as a switch being flipped and turning the ‘motherly’ mode on.
In fact, when we went for our very first ultrasound, I didn’t know what to expect. So when the technician told me that that loud drumbeat was the beautiful sound of my baby’s heartbeat, I exclaimed loudly and said, “Really? I feel like ‘Ripley’ from those alien movies!”
I know I know, I feel really silly about it now, but it gave us a good laugh then. It wasn’t until my bump grew to a size of a football and I needed thrice as much space anywhere, be it the couch or getting into the car, that I started feeling different.
There were times when I would be grumpy, whiny, tearful and just pure angry for no reason at all, making it very difficult for those around me and always getting my way. I would watch a comedy and cry my eyes out and eat a large double cheese pizza all by myself. Twice a week. I blamed it all on the hormones (and sometimes still do. With two ‘kids’ – an almost 20 months old and a 33 yr old, it’s a necessity I say!).
Dunno … what would you say to a feeling where you feel incredibly happy, super cranky, tired, restless, sleepy, hungry, emotional, beautiful, fat, more hungry, sick, bloated, energetic, excited, scared, strong, vulnerable, overwhelmed, pee-machine, hot, cold-the-next-second, hungry again, won’t move a muscle tired, motivated and lost, confused, confident, did I mention hungry … all at the same time. How do you describe the “going-to-be-a-mother” feeling? Which emotion do you pick?
For me, it was feeling all of these all at once. I couldn’t put a finger on which I felt more than the other. Except that I should probably eat something while I pondered. So I would smile at the question, pick up my just delivered large pizza and put on another episode of Rules of Engagement while I ate my way through it … Like a Pigosaurus.
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Published here earlier.
Image source: shutterstock