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We will be in conversation with Nikita Singh and talking all things love and books! 22nd Feb Mumbai | 23rd Feb Bangalore.
Are you making decisions for yourself or are they being made by someone else whom you depend upon to ‘take care’ of you?
I have observed with most women that whenever they have to make a thoughtful life decision they put it off. They always depend on someone else. They procrastinate over what is to be done, fluffing about, unsure of themselves.
One major reason behind this is women lacking in self confidence due to the dependency they are conditioned to. Since forever, women have been taught to be mum, stay naive, be ignorant, listen to their families, comply with the guidelines, be obedient, and to serve others at expense to themselves. It is impossible for anyone to remain unaffected by this legacy and to feel confident in her own sense of self-worth.
Not only do women restrain themselves in making big life decisions but they fail in making day-today arrangements for themselves. In a day, we make numerous small and big decisions like – I will wear this; I will have this for lunch; I will buy this; I will meet him/her and so on. For some people this is not at all a big deal but for some, it’s a big task.
Women are unable to make decisions even when faced with logical options. They are controlled by emotion, the predominant emotion being fear.
In most of the cases when they back out, they say something like, “my husband/ brother/ father/ mother/ son says that so let me first ask him/her (even though they were not involved in that at all).
The skill of making decisions arrives easily to some people, not so easily to others. However it has become extremely important today to know what you want, and say so.
Here are some approaches that might help you in becoming a decision maker.
Women avoid making a decision as they are afraid it won’t work out well. They constantly wonder “what if?” and of regrets.
Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. The worst thing you can do is not be in charge. Some decisions don’t work out as conventional; this doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong. You just need to live with your choices and look forward hopefully instead of never being happy with where you are in life.
You should never get married just because your family wants you to or because everyone else is doing it. Our reasons to get married are often all wrong and dictated by social norms. You must have a clear vision and better control over what you actually want in life.
Never let anyone decide for you whether you should work or not. Never get married to a person who asks you to leave your job. If you are working, you are financially independent and you will have an identity of your own. You will be better placed to make decisions – simply because you know that you have a choice.
A woman should be two things: who & what she wants.
We all have the right to make decisions about our own body, health, desires and conceptive life, without despair, intimidation, clash or injustice. But in our country, women’s freedom of making decisions is controlled by their families. Please remember no one has the right on your body but you.
Always wear what you want. People should not be telling you how to dress, not your father, not your brother, not even your husband. We’re all beautiful in our own way and we need to remember that. Nothing makes you more beautiful than being totally and completely yourself, and this includes what you choose to wear. You only live once so stop caring about what anyone else thinks and wear what makes you feel good.
The most important thing a woman wears is her confidence.
Don’t try to please others in everything you do. Even in minor things. For example, when it comes to shopping, go alone if you don’t wish to show anyone what you’re trying on or feel obligated to see someone else’s picks. Decide things yourself and don’t postpone decisions. It’s often good to think through your decisions but don’t overdo it.
Many women go vegetarian/non-vegetarian just because their new family after marriage want them to. Never do that. You should be the one deciding what you like to eat. It is lousy to deprive yourself of your favourite foods. Food is one of the best things of life and one should never compromise on what he/she likes to eat. I have also seen women who after several minutes of reading the menu, say, “Order what you wish. I don’t know what to order.” Accept that you can’t order every delicious dish on the menu. Don’t make the simplest decisions so difficult.
I have seen even financially independent women turn to male members of their family in money matters. It’s time you took control of your financial future. When you put in so much of yourself to make the money, you should really decide, what’s done with it.
Women put off training to drive because they depend on public transport or they have a partner who drives. It only makes you rely on others.
Once you learn the art of driving, you not only help yourself in critical and immediate situations but you could also help those around you. You don’t have to wait for anyone and you could be useful to other people around you. Also plan tours periodically as travelling makes you confident and gives you the freedom to be yourself.
You know where you want to go and only you can take you there.
“You are remarkable and you need to think that too. The empowered woman is powerful beyond measure and beautiful beyond description.”
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