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It is everyday sexism that we take for granted that gets a vicious grip on mindsets and creates the molester among us. The onus is on us to change.
It starts right from the time the child is born. Blue for boys and pink for girls. Growing up, telling the boys not to cry because men don’t cry and asking the girls to be polite because apparently girls are delicate.
It seeps in drop by drop. Through the environment a child is in. The society looking at the father’s work as the ‘manly’ one while the mother’s as the ‘homely’ one.
The tv ads… re-enforcing what a child sees around. The movies… with dialogues like “hansi to phasi” or “ladki ki na mei bhi haan hai“.
The objectification, the sexist jokes, the inequality, the supposed ‘male domination’.
The subtle entry of an 8 year old brother who walks to the shop down the street with his sister. To ‘protect’ her. The ‘protection’ provided here would not be by the virtue of his strength but would wholly depend on the virtue of his gender, accepted by the society.
It grows. Builds up piece by piece. And it solidifies taking a shape. Takes the shape of a mentality.
Looking at women as objects, as inferiors, as helpless, as second class citizens.
Who are the rapists and the molesters roaming around in the society? Are they men with horns or wings? How do we identify such creeps?
Ummm… well… we can’t. Because they are a part of us.
But, what we can do is, identify our own actions, our own mentality. Be more open minded, teach the boys that they are not here to protect their sisters or mothers or wives. They are here to coexist.
Women don’t need help. Women don’t need men to walk around freely. Women don’t need men for protection. Women need respect. As equal human beings.
We form the society. We encourage, accept, implement double standards. We don’t believe in equality. And that one faction, that one small thought at the back of our minds laughing at sexist jokes, accepting that women need help and considering women not equal to the other sex – it collectively takes the shape of that man who soaked all those things that he saw as a child, things that we showed him, the things he later believed as a man.
The onus is on us.
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Published here earlier.
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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