The real definition of safe sex should comprise not just the use of condoms to prevent unwanted pregnancies and infections, but also the emotional safety of women.
“Are you having safe sex?”
Condoms, STDs and unwanted pregnancies immediately come to our mind.
I rephrase my question based on something I read and heard about recently.
“Are you having emotionally safe sex?”
To me, like it is for a lot of people, being physically intimate with a person involves a great degree of vulnerability.
That warm space where you are revealing all your physical susceptibilities and lying in their arms – There is no way around revealing that dark spot near your hip or your rough hands or the little mole on top of your right breast. The same way, there is little way around the emotional vulnerability you feel.
While orgasms are talked about often, have you ever thought about how you actually feel, say a few hours or days or weeks after sex? What do you feel when you recollect it all?
Our society is conditioned to look at any sex outside marriage the same way a gym instructor is trained to look at his overweight clients cheat with food – with scorn, judgement and disapproval.
We have sadly internalized and accepted that guilt is a by-product of a natural act like sex.
While guilt is more complex and arises out of conditioning, there are other ways that emotionally unsafe sex can shatter you.
Being with a manipulative partner or someone who has different expectations out of the relationship.
Are there unresolved issues in your relationship that keep coming up when you are not physically intimate?
Are you having sex because you like it or because you are feeling empty or because your partner wants it?
Are you stringing along with the hope that jumping into bed could pave way for a future? Is sex the only way to resolve fights in your relationship?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it is easy to say that you are not having emotionally safe sex.
The act of emotionally unsafe sex could be a lot of fun physically as well; don’t keep your common sense aside and blame it on the body!
In the age of friends with benefits, booty-calls and one-night/day-stands, we have enough potential to slip into something that can prove to be an emotional disaster. Of course, when emotionally unsafe sex occurs in a marriage or a committed relationship, it is even more distressing!
There is only one way to feel after you are intimate with someone. And that is happy!
If you are having sex with someone, they should treat not just your body, but your mind and feelings as well with love, mutual respect and care. Irrespective of whether you are in a committed relationship or not, there is simply NO EXCUSE around this.
So what about the ones who string you along in the name of love?
The ones who would do anything to bed you and then go back on their word?
The ones with whom sex always comes with too many strings attached that suffocate you?
The ones who make you feel guilty every time after sex?
The ones who almost make it look like they are doing you a favour by sleeping with you?
Be wary of such people.
It is safe to say they are worse than Herpes.
Become a premium user on Women’s Web and get access to exclusive content for women, plus useful Women’s Web events and resources in your city.
Image Source: flickr