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A working daughter in law writes a letter to her mother in law, who is unable to comprehend that this independent young woman will not be pushed.
Dear Mother-in-law,
There is so much I want to tell you, but I hold myself back because I do not want to hurt and disrespect you. But I think I cannot hold back any longer, so here is an open letter for you.
I do not know how you have raised your children – I was not around remember? But I am living with one of them, and trust me he needs a lot of improvement! You might have spoon fed your children, you might have told them what to do and what not to do. They probably ask you which shirt is where and which toothpaste to use, but my parents have raised me to be an independent young girl with views and opinions of my own. I will definitely ask you for advice when I feel the need to, and I do respect you and your experiences, but that does not give you the right to taunt and comment on literally everything I say or do. Trust me, if I start arguing logically you will not have an answer, so I am saying this for your benefit, let go.
Do not teach me how to raise my child. Of course you are experienced, and I value your suggestions. Be assured I hear you, but if I still choose to do my thing, please respect my choice. You raised your child like you wished, let me raise mine as per my wish. I will ask you for suggestions and advice, like I ask my mother. Be a guardian do not be a dictator.
You think the staff in the house respects only you, you talk ill about me to them. I hear you, I hear them, please be more inaudible next time, because your words hurt. They come and tell me everything. They come and tell me what you said. They say they are fed up of your continuous nagging, but I gently explain that they should respect you and not talk like that in front of me. I wish you did the same, I really do.
I wish you spoke to me the way you do when your son is around. I wish you cared for me, the way you do when my husband is around. He is your son – why do you pretend in front of him? That is exactly where you win, because I am who I am in front of you and him. I cannot manipulate him with tears and anger and I hate it when you do. Because I love him, and wish I loved you.
You talk to me about your daughter, and ask me for advice. I genuinely say what my heart feels and I say it in the best of her interests. Then I realize you asked me only to make me realize something, or to compare me and her. I am sorry to break your bubble but there are a lot of things I can do and she cannot. So stop looking at only the other side of the issue.
You might have been perfect in household chores, and I am sure you know way more than me on cooking as a subject, I appreciate it. Please understand I know more than you when it comes to my job, my area of interest and my subjects. You love household jobs and I love my field job. We are both professionals; let’s not compare.
I love your son; he loves me. I do not have to prove my love for him to you. Cooking his favourite food or keeping his clothes ready are not my ways of showing my love to him. You should have got him married to a maid, but excuse me from the same.
I can go on and on, but I guess you get my point. It’s simple.
Live and Let live.
Regards
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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