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Does the archaic tradition of not calling your husband by name make any sense at all? One woman from Kerala refuses to bow down.
What does marriage achieve? It is a social construct with some amazing pros and some society driven cons which have been doled out by the bucketful for the wife in the marriage. One of them being the archaic ‘law’ that the wife should not call her husband by name but instead should call him ‘aye ji’, ‘sunte ho’ or even a more contemporary ‘shuk shuk’ and if it is down south in Kerala, it is the often confusing term ‘Chetta’ or ‘etta’.
Today’s Mathrubhumi newspaper reported that an engagement was broken off in Kerala because the woman refused to call the man (ummm boy child) ‘chetta’ and he would have none of it. They got engaged 6 months ago in an arranged marriage process and during their phone conversations, the young woman who was 9 years his junior refused to call him ‘chetta’ and instead called him by name! Oh dear, imagine the blasphemy!
While we don’t know all the details, probably the guy’s name was something unmentionable or perhaps ‘Voldemort’ and he did not like being called by his name as his own name gave him nightmares.
Whatever the case, the guy decided to break off the engagement but kudos to the woman who took the case to the Vanitha Commission and fought it out. She was later awarded Rs 50,000 – all for calling a spade a spade!
The guy was also happy as he could continue to remain nameless. This makes me wonder, what purpose does this no-name-calling business serve? However it must be mighty convinient should the wife decide to take multiple partners but can’t keep their names straight and they can all be called ‘Cheta’! (*winky face)
via GIPHY
Top image from a Malayalam movie Ivar Vivahitharayal that deals with some of these themes
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Being a writer, Nivedita Louis recognises the struggles of a first-time woman writer and helps many articulate their voice with development, content edits as a publisher.
“I usually write during night”, says author Nivedita Louis during our conversation. Chuckling she continues,” It’s easier then to focus solely on writing. Nivedita Louis is a writer, with varied interests and one of the founders of Her Stories, a feminist publishing house, based in Chennai.
In a candid conversation she shared her journey from small-town Tamil Nadu to becoming a history buff, an award-winning author and now a publisher.
Nivedita was born and raised in a small town in Tamil Nadu. It was for schooling that she first arrived in Chennai. Then known as Madras, she recalls being awed by the city. Her love-story with the city, its people and thus began which continues till date. She credits her perseverance and passion to make a difference to her days as a vocational student among the elite sections of Madras.
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