Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
So you have a daughter who is married, and earns for herself. What about the money your daughter earns? Who has a right to a daughter's money?
So you have a working daughter who is married, and earns for herself. What about the money your daughter earns? Who has a right to a daughter’s money?
We are in the 21st century, where women have moved from managing kitchen chores to office chores. They are bonafide earning members of the family now. However, these women are facing a dilemma today. The money they earn – whom does it belong to? The car, house or any other valuables they must have bought before marriage with some or no help from their parents, whom does it belong to after marriage? What if they want to give a part of their salary to her parents even after marriage? Will it be ok with her new family? Will her parents accept it?
Many people have realized, that education provides confidence and independence to a girl, needed if faced with dire consequences. So, thankfully, many girls are being educated today. You can see the pride, if their daughters are scaling new heights in their career.
However, many of them do not use their daughter’s money for their household expense. They either save it or invest it for their own daughter’s future. Some might use it for her own marriage, some might not even do that. Educating the daughter is their duty, but they do not believe they have a right on their daughter’s hard earned money. A message is silently passed on to their daughters, “You are only my duty but I have no right on you”.
We call ourselves progressive, but we never get rid of the concept of girl being ‘Paraya Dhan’. The word ‘Kanyadaan‘ itself indicates giving away. As soon as a girl is born, if a family is not dejected, deep in their heart they prepare themselves for the day when they will give away their beautiful daughter.
Is not ‘Kanyadaan’ objectifying women? Is she an object or a piece of land to be given away? Marriage is about two people spending their life together, why is it made to be about a girl leaving her birth family?
There are many girls who financially support their family. However, once she is married, the right on her money is assumed to be transferred to her husband and his family. If the husband’s family is good, they would say, “You know we allow her to help her family. After all they are her parents. We are not orthodox you know”.
Who gave you the right to allow or not allow? It is her money, and she alone has the right to decide what to do with it! The way, a girl’s parent has no right on your son’s income, similarly you don’t have any right on your DIL’s income.
There are so many women who help their parents secretly because their in-laws won’t like it or worse, they might one day taunt her parents. Many parents seek help from their daughter secretly because they feel ashamed of letting the society know about it. It will hurt their so-called image in the society. Funnily, our society cribs if a son doesn’t take care of his parents but daughter has no such obligation. And if daughter takes care of their parents, they are labelled as – ‘Son’
By imparting education to our daughters, we have crossed one barrier. But true equality would be achieved when we treat our daughters with exactly same expectation as we treat our son. When you will truly believe that your daughter is also an integral part of your family irrespective of her marital status, the way your son is.
Become a premium user on Women’s Web and get access to exclusive content for women, plus useful Women’s Web events and resources in your city.
Published here earlier.
Image source: shutterstock
A software engineer ,who loves to travel.A writer by heart. read more...
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
The plight of Indian women's mental health often goes unnoticed. Co-founders Vivek Satya Mitram and Pooja Priyamvada conceived the idea of the Bharat Dialogues Women & Mental Health Summit to address this.
Trigger Warning: This contains descriptions of mental health trauma and suicide, and may be triggering for survivors.
Author’s note: The language and phraseology used are not the author’s words but the terms and narrative popularly used for people living with mental illnesses, and may feel non-inclusive. It is merely for putting our point across better.
I have seen how horrifying was the treatment given to those with mental illness.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
Please enter your email address