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I am a highly educated homemaker, and am considered worthless by my inlaws, as they had expected a well earning daughter in law. Shouldn't it be my choice?
I am a highly educated homemaker, and am considered worthless by my inlaws, as they had expected a well earning daughter in law. Shouldn’t it be my choice?
Matrimonial columns show a great demand for highly educated, homely brides. But this is a farce as education comes with a price. Especially if you live in a joint family, with the in laws deciding things for the family.
No one wants just an educated girl – it should be accompanied by a hefty dowry and a fixed deposit in form of a earning girl. The boy gets dividends from all sides. For him the cherry on the cake is a trophy, which can adorn the house and the work place. But it doesn’t work if the trophy is only adorning the house.
In India we have double standards, so one should be cautious and read in between the lines before getting hitched to a guy. Being gullible can throw you into a bramble bush- one should learn from others mistakes, which is why I am recounting my experience here.
I was taken for a ride though I am highly educated. My MIL was impressed by my qualifications, my demeanour, my meticulous approach to life, my parents’ education and their place in society. When my in laws chose me for their son they were thrilled and bragged about my education to relatives and friends. Their position in society had enhanced as their would-be DIL was having a higher education than their son.
The wedding was solemnised, and their house was laden with gifts. Cash, jewellery, household gadgets galore. They were on cloud nine, showing off my trousseau and gifts. Once the brouhaha had died down they were back on earth. Reality dawned that though I was well educated I did not yet have a job with a five figured salary! How to explain to people regarding an unemployed DIL? So in the garb of my wasting my talent, a hunt for a job started.
Having my own ideas for a job, I hated being dragged like a docile cow to every school in the vicinity – to apply for a teaching job. My idea was to procure a job of my liking, and not push myself into anything that they deemed suitable. But most schools rejected me due to a high education, and a brilliant academic record. I was overqualified for a school job. They felt they would not be able to do justice to me – neither could they give me a high pay nor degrade me. They asked me to join a college per my qualifications.
My in laws were frustrated at their futile attempts and started passing untoward remarks regarding my education. They started demeaning me for no fault of mine. I was a curse for them as they had to feed an extra mouth even though my husband had a good job.
I was a mute spectator, as my upbringing and education did not allow me to defy them. The prospect of living with such people all my life, filled me with consternation. The fervour which they showed at the time of my ‘bidai’ had just vanished.
Within two years of marriage, I was blessed with a baby, which was a 24 hours job. I decided to become a homemaker and a hands on mother, as my husband had a transferable job that involved a lot of touring. On hearing this decision, there was pandemonium in the house. Life became hell. Aspersions, curses, mental agony followed for a year, till my husband got transferred to a different city and a second child followed, and I moved there with him.
They believed my degree to be a piece of paper which was giving no returns. I turned a deaf ear and a blind eye to their rantings and tried to rear my children to the best of my ability.
Within no time a bride for my brother-in-law was chosen. Not highly educated but with a job. She is a graduate but working as a school teacher and also managing the house. The moolah has given her an edge over me. Though younger to me, she is treated like a princess, she can do as she wishes. The younger son and his spouse are my in-laws’ confidantes.
Though my parents gave me a good upbringing, a good education and a firm footing in society, yet I am considered as the black sheep of the family. An education without returns is considered a strict no no in the matrimonial market. So I advise all you ladies planning to take the plunge, do weigh all your pros and cons.
Look before you leap.
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Education administrator at Urban Campus, Content Writer, Content Developer, working from home as proof-reader,avid reader,writing is an adrenaline booster,published articles for blogs,net,books,magzines,dailiesetc,a science doctorate.Reader's read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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