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Only if a girl follows the rules laid down by society in making decisions in life, is she considered a girl worthy of respect. Why?
I think girls in India are born with a timetable. They enter the world with a well-prepared schedule ready for them by their parents.
All her life, she does what she is told to do. When she is asked to focus on her career, and she becomes completely career oriented, fate (?) changes things. They say, she can continue to work on her career after her wedding. (Popular saying: shaadi ke baad kar legi, career hi toh hai).
By any chance, if she falls in love before the deemed ‘marriageable age‘, she is told she cannot, that she is ‘too young’. (Another popular saying: inn sabh baton mei kuch nai rakha, career pe focus karo). Well the point is if she shouldn’t fall in love before then why even after? Just because she is 25, that’s the appropriate time for her to fall in love?
I am not saying elders’ decisions are always wrong. They have much more experience than us. However, I feel we should get past this ‘Timetable Pressure’ and social pressure that have been on girls from decades. Do not fix any particular age to do things. And certainly, her wishes are important once she is an adult.
The most common problem in a girl’s life is that we tend to find faults in her decisions of life if she wants to do things her way. Why can’t you let her do what she wants to do and support her? Isn’t this the parents’ duty? Are parents only responsible to set up the timetable?
Most of the time, girls give up their dreams because they don’t feel confident about it. That’s because, instead of the assurance, doubts come up.
Instead of supporting her and saying, “yes you will be able to do it”, queries come up such as, “are you sure? Think twice. Don’t regret.” Why can’t you say, “go for it. We are with you!”
If she wants to work for 5 years and then get married, let her do that.
If she wants to get married before starting her career, let her do that.
If she doesn’t want to get married at all, don’t force her.
If she wants to be an entrepreneur or an actress, support her.
Be responsible for her happiness.
Do not entangle her with social taboos just because society thinks that she should get married by 25.
Trust her, hold her hand, give her support, let her breathe and let her live.
Published here earlier.
Image source: wikicommons
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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