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What does being real mean? This is relevant specially for women who have to often hide their real selves to be accepted in a relationship.
The slogans of ‘Being Real‘, ‘Being You‘ buzz around us very often these days. With a few quotes tweeted, some posts shared and by becoming part of the forums of our choice – we think we are portraying our REAL selves. Honestly, being REAL (yes, the REAL in caps) ain’t that easy in a world filled with ‘mirages of perfection’.
Sometimes when I feel lost on my quest to find answers, I take refuge in the timeless stories from my childhood, and these stories become my guiding star – a guiding star that’s always reassuring and lights up to help me find my way.
One such story is the children’s classic The Velveteen Rabbit (written by Margery Williams). Timeless as the book may be, it’s a story that speaks to our deepest anxieties about our quest for becoming REAL.
The story revolves around a stuffed toy – a velveteen rabbit that is gifted to a boy on Christmas. When the rabbit is introduced in the boy’s nursery, he realizes that he is a simple toy among the myriad of toys that are more sophisticated than him – having moving parts and operate on switches and batteries.
The poor little rabbit was made to feel very insignificant, and the only person who was kind to him at all was the Skin Horse – the oldest toy and hence the wisest one at the nursery.
Here is the piece of conversation between the Velveteen Rabbit and the Skin Horse that answers the question on Being Real in its most simple, yet profound way.
Velveteen Rabbit : What is REAL?
Skin Horse : Real isn’t how you are made, It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become REAL.
Love makes us Real. The love for one self and for others is what makes us Real. When we allow ourselves to be deeply affected by someone we are in essence, becoming more ‘Real’ through our openness.
The best way to understand the word intimacy is to read it as ‘Into-Me-See’ – When we allow someone to see ourselves, as we overcome the fear that our real selves is unlovable or not good enough – is when love grows. As someone put it – Love is the mutual beholding of one another’s realness.
Velveteen Rabbit : Does it hurt?
Skin Horse: Sometimes but when you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.
Without our armor of pretence, we open ourselves to be disliked by some, ridiculed by others but only when we open up being ourselves – true connections, creativity and meaningful life happens. Hence once you are REAL, you grow beyond the ‘hurts’ from the ignorant few.
Image source: amazon.in
Velveteen Rabbit : Does it happen all at once, like being wound up or bit by bit?
Skin Horse : It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.
Being REAL is a process. It doesn’t happen all at once. It is a process that can be slow, painful, and hence doesn’t happen to everyone.
Skin Horse : Once you are REAL you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand. Once you are REAL you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.
True that! Once REAL, you can never be ugly and you can never go back to being unreal again!
And I sum it up with Colbie Caillat’s soulful song – “Take your make up off, let your hair down, take a breath, look into the mirror at yourself – don’t you like you? Cause, I like you.”
Published here earlier.
Image source: youtube
Sophia is the founder of Soul Cafe, a mom, a travel and life enthusiast. She has keen interest in studying human relationships and behavioral patterns. After a decade of playing various roles in the corporate read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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