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There is no parenting rule book. Parents learn as they evolve and grow as parents, learning from their experience and mistakes.
Each set of parents has to experiment constantly to figure out the best-possible or most-suited parenting approach to deal with their kids. Some tricks that do wonders to Mrs & Mr XYZ’s kids may turn out to be disastrous for Mrs & Mr ABC’s children, and vice versa. At best, parents should try to gather parenting information from available sources and try to implement the new learning (tweak wherever necessary) on their kids.
Sometimes this becomes a thoughtful process, while at times it turns out to be a random hit & trial method, which may or may not click (no guarantees attached).
The ultimate aim of all parents is to influence the thoughts and behaviour of their kids in a positive manner. Every parent should curate an exclusive approach to handle their kids. After all, no two kids are the same, hence, the need to be handle them delicately and exclusively arises! Parents aim at instilling the righteous upbringing to help their kids differentiate between right and wrong, good and bad, and ethical and unethical. The funny part is that we parents expect our kids to be perfect in their demeanour and behaviour all the while following a wrong parenting approach!
Thus, it’s time we parents master the art of responsible parenting by introspecting into our own actions, deeds and approach before setting enormous expectations from our kids. After all kids are a reflection of their parents in thoughts and deeds!
As a learning-parent, I have compiled a list of the Dos and Don’ts of Parenting and would like to share it with you all.
No matter whether you are a working parent or stay at home parent, it is important for you to listen to your kids when you finally meet them towards the end of the day.
Kids have much to talk about their lives and all that they want is a few minutes of your time to pour their feelings and emotions in front of the people they love most. Even if their silly talks bore you, irritate you or anger you, it is important that you hear them out completely. Not just that, participate in their silly talks too.
Do not interrupt or show your indifference. Patient hearing makes them feel wanted, loved and connected with their parents. Parents must spare some time everyday to listen to their kids. This is important to rekindle the parent-child bond, which otherwise seems to be getting lost in the oblivion of hectic work schedules and busy life styles.
Leave your internet addictions behind when you are finally with your kids. Remember, your kids miss your presence when you are away and long to be in your arms and your company at the end of the day. They miss you as much as you miss them. Hence, when you finally meet them, don’t forget to leave all your internet addictions behind.
When you are with your kids, focus on them instead of your phone. Your social media & other notifications can wait but the precious little time with your kids will fly away and never come back. Hence, when you are with your kids make a mental note of snapping your internet connections to relish uninterrupted and peaceful time with your bundles of joy! And most importantly, do it honestly, every single day!
Raising hands on kids is not a sign of courage but sheer cowardice! Only cowards who have no patience to deal with their emotions or that of their kids raise their hands on them! However, this leaves a completely wrong impression on the young minds of your children who are forced to believe that violence is OK and in all likelihood they tend to justify this violence at later stages of their childhood/adulthood.
It’s quite obvious that both stay-at-home parents and working parents feel tired at the end of the day and have the little energy for the volley of questions that kids might throw at them. Or for that matter are left with no patience to tolerate the noise of their childish activities. But this is no excuse or a permit to shout at children, push them, ignore them or make them feel unwanted.
Remember, they are kids and long to meet you throughout the day. When they finally do, they deserve to be treated with love, respect and dignity. Even if you are infuriated or upset you must never vent out on your kids because the cardinal truth is that they are no punching bag! Be nice to them, this will instil and nurture a feeling of compassion in them.
There is a stark difference between discussion and debate. While the former promotes healthy arguments, the latter instils a sense of arrogance, promoting rudeness and self-obsessive behaviour.
As parents you should be careful about setting your limits and end a healthy argument the minute it oversteps its boundary into a debate. Young children tend to learn from their parents more than they learn from their books. Hence, it is the responsibility of every parent to make sure that their kids learn the art, albeit the healthy way!
How do you feel when someones gets too preachy about a subject, no matter how important or sensitive? It’s the same with kids. Rather than preaching, they should be taught their lessons the practical way. Children are tender and grasp their lessons more quickly if taught/offered practically.
There is a huge difference between influencing and convincing. I believe we should try to influence the thoughts of our kids rather than convincing them. The word ‘influence’ is more positive and is an outcome of the willingness of the child to agree with you. On the other hand, we should avoid ‘convincing’ our kids by dumping our thoughts on them. Influence is a response derived out of a healthy conversation while convincing is done by a sneaky l=kind of force – whether or not you like it kid, I wish to hear a YES!
It totally depends on you, whether you wish to influence or convince your kids going forth.
Published here earlier.
Image source: shutterstock