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Changing my married name as a South Indian bride is fraught with many complications - as this comedy of errors shows!
Changing my married name as a South Indian bride is fraught with many complications – as this comedy of errors shows!
“You didn’t change your name ?” “No I didn’t because… ” I have answered it so many times now in the last few months.
No I am not offended by the question since it is a norm for centuries and so people are curious when someone decides not to change their name. And then comes the second question.
“What would your name be if you had decided to change?” “Ermm..” …the conversation continues for 30 more minutes as I explain the various aspects of a South-Indian name.
So this post is to explain the answer for the above question.
Being a South Indian in the United States (I felt) that this name change has a lot of layers to it and gets complicated.
Here is why:
My last name is my dad’s first name. I don’t have a family name like Smith or Reddy or Shah. So if I do have to change my name, my new last name would be my husband’s first name.
In my husband’s case, his last name is his dad’s first name. So even if I change my name, we both have different last names anyway.
I am JV and the husband is RG
If I change I will be JR and he remains RG
Say I do want to change and do justice to my maiden name, I can be hyphenated with three first names
My first name, my dad’s first name- my husband’s first name: J V-R
And say the husband wants to be fair and take my last name and hyphenate it :
His first name, my dad’s first name-his dad’s first name: R V-G
Or say I take his last name so that we both have the same names I am either
My first name, my dad- his dad: J V-G
or
My first name, his dad – my dad: J G-V
And yet we have no last name!
Being in a country where you are mostly referred to by your last name, being married just confuses people more. Especially if I am assumed to have gone through the norm.
Since I am really not against (would have preferred) having the same last name I did think through it. If we did want the same last names, we could have
Since neither were ready to give up the names we grew up with (and since it was too complicated), we decided to make no changes to our names!
P.S. I did (kind of) bug R about the fact that nobody would ask/asked him about his name while I faced this question almost every other day.
What are you thoughts on name changes after marriage? Do you have an experience to share? Did you/did you not change your name? Please do share your stories here with me!
Published here earlier.
Image source: youtube
A free thinker, equalist who has never feared to voice out opinions. I believe that everyone deserves the same kind of respect irrespective of gender, identity, background, social or economic. And we need to evolve read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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