Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
The idea of divorce terrifies you, and you just don't know how you are going to handle anything anymore. Here's help in dealing with divorce fears.
The idea of divorce terrifies you, and you just don’t know how you are going to handle anything anymore. Here’s help in dealing with divorce fears.
You’re lying awake at night, a million horrible scenarios taunting you as you desperately try to fall asleep. The clock is glaring 2:37 AM and you have to get up in four hours. Great. Another day to worry about all the crap that will still probably go wrong in this divorce.
We’ve all done this during the separation and divorce process. We are terrified that the worst possible thing is going to happen, and we sit there, unable to breath, our neck muscles tensed up, our head pounding, that stupid anxiety holding us hostage.
So, what will you do? Will you continue to go day in, day out worrying about a future you think you cannot control? Do you continue to let all the ‘what ifs’ crowd your brain as you try to run errands, pick the kids up, fix dinner, meet with your boss, and oh, I don’t know, try to live your life?
It’s nice for well-meaning people to tell you, “oh, look on the bright side…it will all be over soon!” but those words sound hollow and all you want to do is ring their necks and scream, “Shut up! You have no idea what kind of hell I’m in and what I’m going through!”
Well, that will get you nowhere, because the anxiety you feel will continue to win.
But what if you could build upon the lessons you’ve already learned about anxiety and take it a step further? I know for a fact that you can and I want to show you how. You probably are all too familiar with those weeks and months of sleepless nights, days of distracted thinking. You are unable to concentrate at work, and feel guilty, like you’re not being the parent your children need right now, because you’re trying to stay strong for everybody but sometimes you go into the bathroom, lock the door, turn on the faucet, and cry because you’re afraid of what the future will bring.
I want to show you an advanced technique for getting rid of those fears that your worse divorce nightmares will come true with an exercise named…
When we’re frazzled and unable to concentrate, thinking about all the unknowns in divorce and automatically assuming they’ll be something bad, we shortchange ourselves. Not only because the unknowns could be something actually really amazing, but also because we still let the anxiety win.
And the only way we can face that anxiety down is to deal with it head on.
Instead of telling yourself to not think about worst-case scenarios with your divorce, have you tried to confront them instead? It’s only by doing this that we can neutralize them and move the hell on.
As is the case with most of Surviving Your Split’s proven strategies, facing this type of anxiety is done in three steps. Check it out!
Need a little nudge to get you going? Take a look at the worst-case scenarios I worked through during my own shit-show of a divorce:
You’ve probably noticed a lot of worst-case scenarios are complete exaggerations of 1) what our lives really are like right now and 2) what our lives could ever be like. There’s a reason for that. When we panic and not think things through logically, of course everything is going to look and feel like the day after the Zombie Apocalypse.
And remember, just writing down, “curling into a fetal position and not leaving my bedroom” is NOT an option. Take a look at what I wrote, and think about your own experience.
Getting totally screwed over: Now that I think of it, what does that even mean? Do I think I’m going to get screwed over financially? With custody?
Okay. How about I first figure out what is really worry me. Oh, I see, it’s the fact that I’m nervous because we have joint accounts and I’m not good at budgeting. So, what steps have I taken to make sure that this won’t happen? Have I made a list of all the financial records to keep track of?
It takes a strong person to know that they cannot do everything themselves. If, when planning your own worst-case scenario you find yourself writing about money and finances, you might want to consider reaching out to a trusted financial advisor who can help you with managing your money.
Or, if you recognize in this exercise that a lot of the anxiety is coming from money, dig deeper into that and educate yourself about all the options you have.
The same goes for any Worst Case Scenario result you see, whether it deals with feeling afraid of moving on, worrying about finding a job, or learning how to live alone, the more you analyze your fears and why you’re feeling them, the easier it will be to educate yourself. And the more you educate yourself, the easier it will be to take action. And when you know you can take action and that you’ll be okay, the less anxiety you will feel.
Take your time and be kind to yourself when doing this exercise! Since a lot of the anxiety goes away once you know how to plan for the things that are making you anxious, it’s important to work through the steps mindfully and honestly. And at the end you’ll find out that although the change to your life that divorce has brought may merely inconvenience you, you are too strong and smart for it to ever ruin you.
Published earlier here.
Image source: divorce legalities by Shutterstock.
Martha Bodyfelt is a divorce coach whose website, Surviving Your Split, helps women navigate their divorce with less stress and drama so they can move on with their lives. For your free Divorce Warrior Survival read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
Please enter your email address