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If you are a 30+ woman living alone, you are treated like an easy target – someone who is definitely looking for ‘company’.
I married after I was 30 and I have had to face various types of men, right from someone telling me directly that my life has no meaning as I am 30 and not yet married!
If you have a boyfriend and others know about it, your life will still be easy. But if you have not bothered to tell others, (like at your office, or in the residential area you live at, who anyway have no business trying to find out about your personal life if you don’t want to talk about it) your life will more or less be difficult. And it can easily be your wish not to be with anyone. It is your life; you choose how to live it.
But strangely our society does not look at it that way. If you are nearing 30 or above 30 and still single you will suddenly have many men – colleagues mainly – being interested in you. And there will be different types of behaviour patterns you will have to face.
I would like to point out not all men are bad. Most of my closest friends today are people I have worked with and most of them are men. I am just sharing my experiences, classifying the behaviour patterns from men in three broad types.
Treating you first as a friend, sharing their woes with you. How their wife does not understand them. How difficult life is for them. And then while you still think you are just friends, you will soon find them sending you an SMS or calling you late nights, informing you that they have fallen in love with you and it is only you who understands them. And they can understand your loneliness as well.
Just because you are above 30, the men think you would be easily fooled. They think you are lonely and are obviously looking for company and so would jump at whatever or whoever you can get!
These younger guys get attached to you. You may try to behave like an elder sister to them. May be its their first or second job and you act sisterly towards them. Tease them, look after them, help them with their work. And these guys soon become obsessed with you. And before you realize it, it becomes hard for you to shake them off.
And the situation changes to them being over-protective towards you, trying to tell you what to do and where to go and where not to. After all, although you are older, you are a woman and obviously need protection!
These are the men who obviously will be very good friends, hanging out, going for coffees, movies. First in a group, and then maybe just two or three of you. And they will take it for granted in most cases that you have had a bad experience in life regarding love, so you need to be protected.
It all starts in a very fun way. Then slowly they will let you know their scarred past. Till this part I am okay.
And believe me there are many guys who actually are good and stay good friends, but in many cases these guys will start taking it for granted that you both are in a relationship now even when you have neither said so.
If you are upset, then you have to tell them what it is. They believe it is their right! After all, in their mind you belong to them to be taken care of.
It does not matter what you think. You might not be interested in having anyone in your life at that time. Or you might even have a boyfriend about whom you do not want to tell others right now.
The problem is not all men are bad or lechers. But unfortunately, they are the one who ‘act’. The good men are obviously busy with their lives, you definitely have a friendly relation with them, but they don’t of course bother you. But there are these others which consider women as their own property if not to lech, then to be protected and taken care of.
What I do not understand is who gave them this right to think like this? Do we ask or implore for help from every man we meet? When is this attitude going to change? When are men going to treat women really like friends?
Image source: woman refusing gift from a man by Shutterstock.
I am a voracious reader, a writer, a poet, a die-hard romantic, a dream
wow…. truly well written….write more….
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