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Sexist jokes about married men having lost their freedom abound on social media and with friends. Isn't it married women who lose their freedom, though?
Sexist jokes about married men having lost their freedom abound on social media and with friends. Isn’t it married women who lose their freedom, though?
You know what is common between a newly married groom and a man married for 30 year? Some time or other you will find them giving voice to that same old joke with their friends, colleagues and so on, “I lost my freedom when I got married.”
Most of us treat it as a joke and we laugh. But I am sure in the heart of most of the married women there is a niggling pain. The strange part is that most men really in some degree or other believe that in some way or other they have had to give up their freedom because of their wives.
Okay, I accept there is a change in their life style. They can’t stay out with their bachelor buddies as much as they want to. (Some do continue with their old life and still crib, but I am talking about the so called good husbands.) Their weekends maybe now involve watching movies, shopping sprees, clubbing with wives. And believe me the husbands do find time for their buddies much more than their wives can manage.
But do the husbands complain about the hot lunch they are taking to office now, the organized house-hold, and a certain bliss in the bedroom? Guys do not seem to complain about these changes.
And believe me these are the good husbands, who love and care for their wives. And yet the joke remains at parties, dinner tables, one to one conversations. And do you really want to know why it hurts? Because they are the “good husbands.”
Women leave their home, their parents, their friends, their very way of life when they get married. In some cases, it even affects her wardrobe, the food she has to eat after the marriage at her in-laws place. The hundreds of instructions poured on their heads from the mother-in-law, to the neighbouring aunty, to the house maid.
I know, I know! Many men out there will say there are cases where the bride moves in not with her in-laws but only with her husband. But dear sir, with no offence it is still “she who is moving” and not you!
A husband makes place for only one new person in his life, on the other hand a wife almost wipes out everyone. At the least, everyone from her pre-marriage days has to go a bit blurry from now on. In most cases, her husband’s friends are her friends now. And her friends accept it readily, “Oh! She is married now, of course she is busy.” They don’t even get angry!
Lets just change the scenario for once – husband misses one booze party in months, “Oh! Ever since he is married, his wife is holding his strings!”
Why do we have to deal with this hypocrisy? It is true things are changing, husbands and wives are friends now. Partners in crime, they come up with excuses to skip put on boring parties whichever side it may belong to. They are in it together.
And yet the joke remains. Is it a matter of masculinity that you have to say that you lost your freedom because of your wife? After a full fledged party thrown by the husband organized by the wife for his friends, some male voice speaks out, “Oh I lost all my freedom since I got married.” And everyone bursts out laughing.
Yes, you are right, if it is a joke and I know it then why is it pinching me so much? Because if you prick someone with even a small needle at the same place again and again believe me it will bleed.
All I want to say is, why are we women scared to voice the same opinion in front of everyone? We do it only with our closest girl friends or in fights with our husbands. But why not accept it and speak it loud? Are we scared it will be taken too seriously? Is that the irony of the situation?
I have a very loving husband and yet I want to voice my opinion, “Yes, I lost my freedom after I got married.”
Image source: Indian couple in conflict by Shutterstock.
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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