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Keeping the maiden name after marriage is common these days. It can have hilarious consequences in a world unable to come to terms with this choice of women.
After my marriage, I had to take up numerous life changing decisions, like compromising on the extended weekend sleep hours, cooking up just a single meal on a Sunday and not washing my clothes for an entire month.
But there was one thing I never had to decide about, at least in my mind. It was changing my surname to my husband’s. However, that came with its own highs and lows.
Thanks to a long ancestral lineage, we have a slightly controversial surname for a Hindu household – Khan. As a kid I have been a victim to various awkward situations all thanks to the ‘Khan’.
Well, after the wedding almost everyone including my parents and my caring husband thought I would change my maiden name to save myself from the numerous embarrassing situations. So they didn’t bother to ask.
Just a week after the wedding, my Dad brought me a bank account opening paper where he had carefully written out my name in block letters with my husband’s surname!
The husband signed off thank-you notes on social media as Mr & Mrs Singh !
It was a little difficult to bring my family to terms with a decision I never took. And now, about three years later, I have had to face many hilarious situations.
Once an interviewer asked me, “You have a fancy Hindu name but a Muslim surname. So you are a Hindu, now married to a Muslim. It must have been hard to convince the families?” (Whatever happened to secularism)
One day a wedding invite arrived addressed to Mr & Mrs Khan. My poor husband didn’t know how to react.
My Adhaar Card arrived identifying me to be my father’s wife!
A couple of weeks back, we were travelling abroad. While at the airline’s counter we were bombarded with questions. The airlines personnel was audacious enough to ask me why my surname wasn’t same as my husband’s. He even went on to demand our marriage registration certificate. When we showed him a photocopy, he wanted to see the original.
All said and done, however controversial my name is, that is who I am. It is my identity since birth and till death do us apart…
Image source: Indian wedding by Shutterstock.
During most of the time in the day I work with a media agency and when I'm not doing that I'm mostly travelling or reading up. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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