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What is so wrong if we want the right to decide when to have a baby? Why should others decide the why and how in our personal life?
I am going to be 36 soon, married for three years. Can you imagine the most common question I am being asked nowadays? Yes, you are right. When am I going to be a mom?
I am asked this question by elders, peers, acquaintances, friends, almost anyone and everyone who knows my age and the years I have been married. I mean, don’t you think having a baby or not should be mine and my husband’s personal decision?
How can people just keep asking about this so very personal thing? Most of them will run away if anyone utters a word about sex. Or if I ask how many times do they have sex in a week. But when it comes to a child, it’s an open forum. I hope they know it’s sex that leads to babies!
Anyway, I am digressing. What I want to write today is really about wanting to or not wanting to have a child. We are allowed favorite colors, favorite actors, actresses, movies, and so on but when it comes to such an important decision like having a child the whole society stands in judgement over you.
I know a couple who did not have any plans for a kid in the near future as they wanted to be financially strong first. And their parents asked them to have the baby anyway because they had enough money to look after their grand kid! I mean what is it, a venture that if you can’t then someone else would finance?
Having a child is completely a couple’s personal decision. Whether they want to have it or not, or if they do then when. But still the whole society acts as a judge when it comes to having a kid.
What is wrong if me and my husband want to travel the country first and then the world? What is wrong if we want to fulfil our dreams first? What is wrong if a baby is not a priority with us right now? Does it mean when and if we have a baby, we will love him / her any less?
There have been times when I have lost my temper, made witty answers, avoided the situation. But I don’t understand why I have to act like this. I am an educated person who is being asked these questions by educated people, so how am I supposed to react?
When will our society really come to an age when they will realize and accept that some things should really remain personal and private?
Image source: annoyed young woman by Shutterstock.
A voracious reader, a writer, a poet, a die-hard romantic, a dream enthusiast, a single mom. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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