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We all make mistakes growing up, but usually, a girl is held more accountable for her mistakes than a boy is. Why? Because boys will be boys? What rot!
For a very long time, I have either heard this statement or I have read it. Instances where a boy will kick over a sandcastle and everyone present will laugh and say, “oh, boys will be boys”. While destroying a sandcastle is the kind of behaviour we expect from a child, using the phrase ‘boys will be boys’ can become problematic in the long run.
Parents and other significant adults are the ones who are responsible for such statements. ‘Boys will be boys’ or ‘a man is a man’ is a statement that I feel should be avoided, and here’s why.
We all make mistakes growing up, but usually, a girl is held more accountable for her mistakes than a boy is. Why? Because ‘boys are boys’, they do such things, it’s in their nature? Come on now! We have for so long put boys on a pedestal where they get away with whatever it is they do. We ingrain this in them, that they can do no wrong, just on account of being boys. Which then becomes their way of thinking.
They might be doing something terrible, but it doesn’t occur to them that it might be terrible. They simply think it is fun and games. Normal.
Men have been catcalling women along the streets for as long as I can remember; they have been ogling at them, making kissing noises, doing anything inappropriate, yet they don’t see a problem with it.
Why? Because ‘boys will be boys’, and ‘men are men’ so what more do you expect from them? It is almost as though they think catcalling and inappropriate behaviour is just a natural part of their personalities.
This way of thinking has to stop. Let our next generation of boys not get away with their mistakes because they are boys. Let them be held accountable. Let them learn from their mistakes.
By shrugging things off with such statements, we are adding to the culture of misogyny. We are blurring reality so it suits men, we are creating this privilege that comes with being a man – almost like a get out of jail free card for doing whatever they want to.
Let me clarify. In this present day and age, I do hold men accountable for the mistakes they make, and I try my hardest to call out any injustice, or anything I find irksome. I can go on and on explaining to a boy why he is in the wrong, and sometimes, I get through with success. Other times, their ignorance is beyond my comprehension, so I stay put, albeit with my mind exploding and my stomach churning.
Regardless of what a boy is made to believe, if he has done something wrong, he should be held accountable. And he should be made to understand what he has done wrong. Because, alas, we live in a society where a boy grows into a man who cannot comprehend why catcalling is offensive to women.
Published earlier here.
Image source: college boys by Shutterstock.
I collect books, watch T.V. shows, and imagine what an ideal world would look like. I'm also an aspiring journalist, full-time reader and a cat lover. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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