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So you have now found your true love. Are there any relationship tips you can give? 6 such ‘tips’ for romantic bliss busted here.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day, folks! So what are your tips for continued romantic bliss? Here, I try to deconstruct 6 relationship tips that I have read so many times in so many places that they are coming out of my ears. Even celebrities have picked them up and mouth them when asked inane questions about their partners and marriages. Well, inane questions deserve inane answers, don’t you think! So, let’s go on to these supposed pearls of wisdom.
I have never figured this one out. Now, if you substitute ‘hungry’ for angry, I can completely vouch for its importance. Seriously, nothing is worth giving up on that dinner ever! You can’t sleep on an empty stomach and you can be sure that you will get some amused smiles when you raid the fridge at midnight in spite of having made tall claims just a few hours back. Never go there.
But I digress. Let me come back to the point. Why should there be a tenure on hurt and anger? Things do not resolve by saying, “Kiss and make up!” Even kids don’t buy that these days. Things resolve by actively addressing the issues behind the conflict. If you can make peace before you hit the bed, it’s great. Else, well tomorrow is another day. Personally, sleeping over problems gives me time to cool off and the perspective to handle the problem with renewed vigor the next day. (I meant the nagging, lecturing and sulking).
Why didn’t anyone tell me not to fall for this one? Do they ever tell you the wretched aftermath of this? No, they don’t.
Then this is what happens – a normal dal roti or dal, chawal, sabzi, roti is considered a puny meal in the family. Sometimes I have to put my foot down that I will not make Chicken Biryani on a weekday. Yes, the bar has been raised high now. The husband will just not be happy with a simple meal. The son (aftereffects of MasterChef watching) gives heavy duty comments on my cooking like “The texture is perfect – crispy on the outside and juicy within.” “The meatballs have been seasoned and cooked to perfection!”
So, unless you plan to spend most of your life slogging at the stove to protect your lofty reputation, remember to keep burning, over-salting or under-cooking your food regularly. And also to praise him to the skies whenever the man cooks.
In all probability, he may not read it and just throw it away as some junk paper. And if he reads it, it won’t be too good for my ego to hear him burst into fits of laughter. Love notes can be corny! I am happier telling him what I want to say to his face.
The other day, he came across an old handmade card of mine with a poem (stolen from the net). “Did you really do that one?” he asked. “Seriously, you aren’t that creative!” he said with a doubtful look. Damn!
This again is a dicey affair. As supportive as I am of what the husband enjoys doing including his gardening, I have realized that our interests are vastly different. I enjoy reading and writing. He loves gardening, carpentry, and plumbing. He also enjoys tinkering with his electrical stuff. Try as I might, I find them boring.
New things together may not always be fun. Instead, we give each other space to indulge in what we like individually.
This might just work if you look at each other properly. Something not so common many years into marriage. Besides, most men get scared of the interrogation that follows. “What exactly did you like about the dress?” will finally descend into “I knew you were lying. I do look fat in this dress.”
Sometimes the compliments may lead to fights or sulking. Picture one such conversation:
Him: “You are looking very nice today.”
You: “So you mean to say, I don’t look nice every day.” (counter question)
You: “You never have the time to notice how I look. I got this fantastic hair color done and you did not comment.” (accusation)
Him: “Your hair color looks lovely. What is it, red?”
You: “No it is auburn. When will you understand colors properly?” (questions intelligence)
Him: sulks (why did I bother complimenting)
This is one tip I have taken very seriously. So much so that I am the one who keeps communicating (talking) all the time. My poor husband is mortified every time I say, “Let’s talk.” He pulls his headphones closer and tries to show that he is hard at work with imminent deadlines. Even the kids have learned to steer clear when mom is in one of her lecturing-talking moods.
So, you see exactly how effective these tips are in keeping romance alive! Implement them at your own peril.
PS: Happy Valentine’s Day folks! Kick the rules. Do what you enjoy and what makes the two (plus one, plus two) of you Tango!
Published earlier here.
Image source: happy couple by Shutterstock.