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Sometimes you feel like saying something disdainful when someone annoys you, but you don’t, because it would not be the polite thing to say. Right? Right!
I believe a diplomatic smile is an appropriate answer to a lot of stupidity around. However, sometimes people manage to successfully step on my cool nerves by their ludicrous actions. I smile, say these little what-you-deserve-to-hear statements in my head and walk away! But sometimes I regret not saying them loud and clear.
Here is my choicest collection of recurring instances when I almost feel like speaking my mind:
When two people about to get married soon start posting a “Love you forever” status on social networking sites every two seconds. I wish to say: “Your baby might love you for forever and ever, but I might get violent if you do not stop driving me insane with your puppy love.”
When some family members get too excited about their baby’s first moments and literally post “shit” on family chat groups. I wish to say: “Brother, there are private chats and there are group chats. Please reserve your baby’s first poop photos for you and your wife’s private chats.”
When people irritate me with their unsolicited advice on how to dress up. I wish to say: “Well, you can wrap yourself in that bed sheet but please don’t insist on me to trying it! I am so not wearing what you want me to wear.”
When my husband tries to convince me that for once the upcoming family function is going to be exciting. I wish to say: “No. No. No. No. Can I please evaporate right now? I don’t want to be here in this moment. Wake me up when September ends!”
When relatives indirectly give examples and challenge me to cook. I wish to say “Sorry! I can’t cook and now that you have challenged me to compete with the best chef in the family, I have strongly, passionately decided to not try participate in Family’s top chef contest.”
When friends, neighbors, relatives look at my dogs with suspicion. I wish to say: “They are cleaner than you. Yes, they bark. They are not T. rex. If you want me to lock them before you step in my house, see you tomorrow at your house.”
When a lady-in-love posts every single I-am-in-love-with-your culture statement on every possible social networking site and tags everyone in her in-laws family to invite praises. I wish to say: “Darling! You don’t respect a culture just by flaunting your love for it. Ye public hai yeh sab jaanti hai (The public knows it all).”
When people who try hard to manipulate me to do something bizarre like picking up a fight. I wish to say: “I intently heard the crap for 40 minutes. I am still not convinced. Can you try another spin?”
When someone in their early 20s talks like my grandma. I wish to say: “Ah! Are you 24? At your age everyone is a know-it-all. I am bored but I won’t interrupt. Feel good about crossing puberty. You deserve happiness, darling! Peace! Peace!”
When people make the most insulting remarks and then try to get away by saying it was all in good fun. I wish to say: “Congratulations, you successfully pissed me off. I am going to curse you for next 30 days.”
When people complain that I insulted them by not reacting to whatever they said: “Lovely! You are offended. That’s exactly what I intended.”
However, you know, some things are better left unsaid. So, I smile and most of the time, it suffices!
Published earlier here.
Image source: annoyed woman by Shutterstock.
Travel Writer, Blogger, Content Developer, Instructional Designer, Army Wife, Dog lover, Tea Addict
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