Working Mom Or A Stay-At-Home Mother – Do We Really Need This Debate?

Posted: December 27, 2015
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It should not really matter if a mother is a working mom or stay-at-home mother. As long as we maintain a good balance between work and home.

Being a working mother, I get asked a lot of time – how do you give time to your kid? Doesn’t she feel lonely or left out? It must be very hard for her!

To all these questions, I have only one answer – I believe in giving QUALITY time to my daughter. I feel confident when my daughter showers me with hugs and kisses, tells me how much she is proud of me and how well I take care of her. That reaffirms my belief and also the fact that I do not need to give justification to others.

I am not a judgmental person at all and do not like to be judged either. But I don’t feel offended when I get bombarded with these questions. This confidence stems from the fact that I have a wonderful inspiration in front of me – my mom! Just like my daughter, I was an only child, and my mother used to work full-time. But still, she structured her work life so beautifully around me that I did not feel left out or deprived of her love even for a second. I knew that I was the center of her universe and her will power and ability to balance everything so well instilled the Quality vs Quantity belief in me.

I grew up with some beautiful memories: My mother always leaving a sweet note with the fresh cooked lunch she used to keep for me on the dining table before leaving for work, amazing delicacies that she used to pack for my school lunch box, celebrating each and every achievement of mine, whether big or small, propping me on a chair and talking to me while making dinner and many more.

To many people, these things may look small, but for the young child I was then, they had a profound meaning. It meant that no matter mater whether my mom is away from home for some hours or not, it is ME that she cares about and all the efforts she is making are for me. It made me felt loved and secure.

I try to do the same with my daughter. Here are some of the ways I provide a quality time and experience to my kid:
Giving her plenty of hugs, kisses and telling her how much I love her. I want to make my child feel loved and secure and have the confidence that I am there with her.
I talk to her a lot and I really mean a LOT. Once home, I never get a chance to stay quiet and I don’t mind this. I take it as a good sign, a sign that she treats me as her friend and is willing to share everything with me. Most of the times, I break into a dance with her as soon as I enter home. It’s not always easy (especially when I’m dead tired after back-to-back meetings), but then it’s completely worth it – I just can’t miss her delighted squeals.
Weekends are all for her. Special breakfasts, playing board games, taking her to park, baking/cooking together or taking her out to her favorite eatery/museums or monuments (she is a history buff) – basically involving her in everything throughout the day.
Preparing her favorite dishes for her school lunch and slipping a small note in with it.
Telling her that I understand her when she is having meltdowns. Believe me, it does wonders and works far better than yelling.

There are many other, small things but these are some of the significant things which have helped me bond strongly with my child. Nothing in this world makes me happier than seeing her write in her school notebook: ‘My mom is my best friend. She is the best mom in the world. She works very hard and takes very good care of me’.

So Working or SAHM – it’s totally one’s own decision and I feel it should be respected. At the end of the day, all of us wish the best for our kids and that ends the debate for me!

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Kulsoom Pervez

Kulsoom Pervez

Mom working in the IT industry in a Techno-functional role with hobbies like reading, writing, travelling and cooking/baking. A happy soul and constant learner with head full of ideas 🙂

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  1. Ever notice how only women need to worry about a “work/life balance”? Men never get asked this question about working or staying at home. As far as I’m concerned, the entire premise of the question is biased.

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