I’m Being Rejected In Marriage Because I Filed An FIR (#ReachOutThursday)

Posted: December 17, 2015

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Every Thursday, the Women’s Web expert panel with the support of Healtheminds, answers questions from readers facing relationships issues, emotional and mental challenges and other such issues.

In this edition of #ReachOutThursday, a woman talks about being unable to find the right match due to having filed an FIR previously.

I am a 29 years old single woman. My problem is that one guy has been harassing me since long time. My family lodged a FIR when things got out of hand. Now the problem is that whenever there is a talk of a match, due to this FIR, everybody turns away. I faced lot of rejections because of this. Now I have one proposal who is divorced. We had a background check. His divorce was due to small issues leading to big troubles. My problem is that I am not able to accept this easily. Please help me out whether I should go for it or wait for better one.

It’s just a hope that I might get a better option. The guy doesn’t even have a TV at home and I live in a surrounding where I have access to all. So this thought that I can marry a guy who doesn’t have a TV is killing me. Please help me.

I am educated and open minded, just that I lack self-confidence.

Reply:

Please do not make the mistake of accepting this man as your husband, if your heart is not in this relationship. As you yourself say, you are an educated and an open minded person; wait for the right proposal from the right man who will not be deterred by this FIR thing. Do not compromise on marital relationship in the very beginning especially when age is on your side. What is 29 in this day and age? Many women marry much later these days.

You have not mentioned if you are a working woman or not. If not, then I would suggest that you look for an opportunity and pursue some career. It will add to your self-confidence. If already working then, please, mingle more with your colleagues, be active socially and just relax yourself. Pamper yourself periodically by going for facials or spa treatments in a parlour which will add to your confidence.

Learn to be more self-assertive by voicing your feelings and thoughts openly in front of others. If you feel shy and are an introvert, then try cognitive rehearsals. Practice what exactly you will say and to whom. Imagine that you are standing in front of that person and speak it out aloud what you wish to say to him about your thoughts or feelings. This will help in developing self-confidence. This technique is known as cognitive rehearsal and is very successful in alleviating irrational fears in a person.

Gradually, your self-confidence will improve and you will learn to speak out your true feelings without feeling either guilt or conflict. This will also add on to your quality of life and enhancing your happiness.

– Dr. Amita Puri, Psychologist, Healtheminds

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