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A very thought provoking piece on why men need feminism too. In other words, men too become a victim of their own gender. Just like women.
I first notice it when you are five: the pitiful remains of your favorite toy, tightly clenched in your fist; your cheeks red and puffy as you rightfully mourn your loss, only to be stopped by a well-meaning relative, who quietly tells you boys don’t cry.
Perhaps, it was something I witnessed when you’re even younger, when suddenly, the boys around you twitch and fidget when you announce that your favorite color is pink – someone later tells you it’s a ‘girly’ color. Or maybe, it first hits me when you’re a little older: your team-mates, your companions, greeting you with mocking sneers, all because a girl succeeded in beating you at a sport, fair and square.
Whatever, whenever, wherever the incident, I can’t help but notice that the consequences more or less remain the same. At first, you’re baffled. There’s a voice in your head that screams that this doesn’t make sense; then, the extremely human desire to be liked and accepted, to belong someplace takes over. Confusion is replaced by a solemn acceptance, and you don’t question it anymore. This is the way things are, and it is probably better for you to go with it.
Knowingly or unknowingly; willingly or unwillingly, this becomes the way of life for you. The roles that have been thrust upon your gender forcefully catch up with you. Society dons the hat of ostensibly good intentions, and guides you into what is acceptable for someone in your shoes to carry out.
In other words, you’re told what to do, and what not to; purely because of your gender.
In other words, you’re expected to follow senseless rules and restrictions; purely because of your gender. There are even assumptions that are taken to be fact! Again, purely because of your gender.
In other words, you become a victim of your own gender. Just like us.
Before you question the role feminism plays in this, let me explain. Contrary to popular belief, feminism does not seek the utter defeat and destruction of men – and I’m only mildly exaggerating. Just like you, we are also told what we can do and can’t do; our aspirations and limitations are laid out for us. We too have to abide by a system that doesn’t do justice to either of the sexes.
Feminism is tipping the scales. It’s the arduous task of undoing, of reconditioning. It’s the fight for a chance to escape the confines of the roles society expects both of us to play. It’s the battle against patriarchy, the war against generations of thoughts that the majority haven’t questioned; we’ve seen the harm it perpetrates first hand.
If you would like to grow up in a world where your gender isn’t presumed to be so uncivilized that it’s general state is that of uncontrollable lust; of lust so severe that it perfectly justifies something as vile as rape – then feminism is for you. If you would prefer to not be told to ‘man up’ at the slightest expose of emotion, then feminism is for you. If you would like to let go of unrealistic body expectations, or career expectations, or societal expectations, then feminism is for you. It’s for anyone who recognises that the current system of patriarchy isn’t doing either of us favours, however it may look on the onset. It’s for me, and it’s for you – it’s always been.
Dear men, you need feminism too.
Cover image via Shutterstock
A feminist whose idea of feminism is not just fighting for equality but also telling stories of people whose struggle drives the feminist movement forward. Also, a student. But that's not important. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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